“The general human failing is to want what is right and important, but at the same time not to commit to the kind of life that will produce the action we know to be right and the condition we want to enjoy.”
I am found out. All over my life I see my desire to be different being trumped by my complete and total inability to follow through. Nowhere is this more true than in my life with God. A quick reading of my journal reveals that I seem to come to God with the same personal frustrations over and over, the same failings and short comings, the same acute separation between who I know God wants me to be and who I actually allow myself to be. It seems that week after week, year after year, I know the areas in my life that need to be conformed and need to be molded, but I have so little patience for the change process that I refuse to engage in it.
Really though, shouldn’t everything happen now. I seem to think so. If I cannot be gratified immediately, or at the very least within a time frame of my own crafting, and usually by my own conditions, then I don’t want any part an undertaking. This is why I seem unable to lose those few stubborn pounds I want off. The work required doesn't to fit into my schedule, dieting doesn’t produce instant results, and frankly, any diet that doesn’t include a steady amount of french fries just isn’t worth it to me. Sadly, I am finding that the same is true for my spiritual life. I want God to transform me, but I am not really willing to engage in any kind of “lifestyle cramping” effort that would actually result in me becoming more of the person He created me to be and I deeply desire to be. And I am definitely not willing to give up french fries for God.
Don’t get me wrong, God does change me. He works on me, shapes me, and molds me, it is just usually against my will. I can’t help but think there is an easier way, a way where I willingly take part in developing my heart and mind. What would my life look like, and who would I be, if I didn’t expect God to work in my life like he is wielding a magic wand. Instant transformation for instant gratification, that’s my expectation. But for some reason, God has decided to actually give me a part in the change process, to let me participate in the remaking of myself. In my case it was a dangerous decision, because for some reason, given the choice to invest in becoming the person that I deep down in my heart want to be, or to play Xbox, I tend to choose Xbox.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
Great post Jason!
If we work for 8 hours a day, sleep for 8 hours a day, Where does the other 8 go? And why is it so hard for me to carve out some Jesus time?
http://www.bls.gov/tus/charts/home.htm
i think it's because we hit the wall-- the wall that takes us right to the gates of the Kingdom, but if we were to step across, we would risk losing everything we've come to find comforting. A mentor once told me of visiting prisoners on release day-- many come out of the gate, but stand for hours... afraid of crossing the street back into "outside" world; all they can remember is the life of a prisoner.
Post a Comment