We Are: A Confession of sorts

As a community we’ve started a discussion on who God has made us to be. A vision for a preferred future. It’s been a excellent series thus far, arousing introspective questions about life, who I am and what the future may hold. Thoughts on how all of these moments that make up this life cohesively form together to bring glory to God. In this discussion, I’ve realized that it’s my tendency to try to find definition, not by asking who by God’s will I am, but by trying to find definition in who I am not. By judging others.

I believe that in these moments in defining who I am by proclaiming who or what I am not, they are moments of self-righteous judgement aiming at someone else’s flaws or hypocrisies. We proclaim “I’m not like them!” or “What a hypocrite!” and allow bitterness into our hearts.

Ironically, where I am quick to disdain someone and their hypocrisy, I myself am a hypocrite.

Onto the confession.

Over a year ago, or so, I bought a 2003 Toyota Tundra for the simple economical reason of trying to impress a young lady. I traded a preferred future for my current image. After the truck, it was a television, clothing, extravagant spending, a gaming console, a very nice but pricy apartment close to work “to save on gas”. The list goes on. The lifestyle - out of control.

My preferred future became a very non-preferred future.

And the Truck wasn’t worth it.

Some FOMers are aware that I was in an automobile accident this past January, where my truck was totaled, due to a driver running a red light. The driver was uninsured, what many don’t know is neither was I. Simply put, I was irresponsible and the previous policy I was covered under had lapsed and was no longer valid.

A good friend expressed their disbelief in me driving uninsured and asked how and why I could allow this to happen. At the time I don’t think I really had a good answer.

I think I do now.

There was a time when maintaining my image was more important then maintaining my responsibilities. Image management was my hypocrisy. It has been a place, a big place, where my life has not acted out on what I believe. It is not a part of who I am.

So what does hypocrisy, being judgmental, one person’s irresponsibility, a truck and trying to keep up with the Jonse’s have to do with finding this life that God has for me? This idea of who We Are?

Well, I think that in someway, it has to do with confession. Many times we confess out of guilt, obligation, arrogance, or lack of control, and because we confess for those reasons we miss out on confessing in a very true, pure, authentic way that owns up to who we may be, and is a part of a struggle to become who we are. I think that when we’re judging others and are trying defining ourselves by “who we are not”, that not only are we effecting our preferred future, we’re harming the present as well.