When Worlds Collide

Lately I’ve felt like the worlds inside my life have been colliding. Colliding for priority of time and attention. One world is my occupation and all the things of busyness. The other world the things that matter to me the most; serving those with less, community, reading, reflecting, conversations, various things that feed my soul.

One world is tangible, material, outward focused, sometimes in a good way, and others in more of a selfish way. The other world is more spiritual, more not tangible. With the increase of work, hurricanes, and other matters, my capacity to do more has become very limited. I feel tired, weary, burnt out, high centered, spinning my wheels, not gaining ground, running around in circles, tractionally challenged––the list of descriptors could go on.

What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I ever feel like I’m in the zone, living out my passions, unburdened by the load my life has created. How can I have the moments that feed my soul and still have capacity to do the tangible things that matter greatly to me and that many times are things that I feel like matter to the heart of God?

Movement.

Specifically a shift.

A movement to Christ as the center. A movement from serving two masters to only serving one. Henri Nouwen once wrote, that before we can become hospitable, we must first become broken and empty our hearts to make room for others. In a moment of fleeting reflection on a Houston Metro Bus, I began to realize that I had let my heart become too full. Full of stuff that, despite it being important, limited the space for Christ in my life. Thus impacting the space I have for others. The fall out is nasty.

So where do we start?

Honesty is a good place to start. Maybe an honest look at what things are taking up our time. Maybe cutting back on work or studies is not the answer, but what about the TV? Internet surfing more recreational than intentional? Sleeping in? Staying up? For me, it used to be the X-Box and gaming. I really can’t spend ample time listing areas in my life I may need to reduce or have reduced to calm my daily to-do’s in hopes of regaining some of my life. What I can say is that I am learning that spending time praying, reflecting, feeding the soul, and centering my life around Christ is important enough that other areas are having to take a much lower priority. This is not fun nor easy, surrendering things is not easy, especially when they are not necessarily bad things.

We’ve started a series of talks this week we’re calling Divine Conversations. I believe a conversation with Jesus is also good place to start. Maybe we need to ask Jesus what He would like for us to lay at His feet. Maybe its a big dream or goal. Maybe it’s something as easy as a 30 minute reality show.

Jesus have mercy on me. On us.