Incapable.

"The person who's in love with their vision of community will destroy community. But the person who loves the people around them will create community everywhere they go."

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer


The more I read and expose myself to people in need, the fringe the marginalized, I see needs, but also what develops, maybe even in a subconscious way, the idea that I depend on God for less.

Maybe it's pride.

Maybe it's spiritual ignorance.

Whatever it is, this idea that God has provided greatly for me, and I am somewhat independent, some moment shatters those thoughts and leaves me limping through the rest of my pilgrimage with the realization that I am incapable of love separate from God.

I've realized that I can give my money to Non-profits, NGO's, FINCA, LWI and the lot, and have not love, I am just receiving a government tax benefit at the end of a year.

I can blog to the masses (probably not), watching the hit counter as musings of spirituality and theology hit cyberspace, if I have not love, I am a loud gong whose only blog follower is his mother (though a faithful fan, probably biased in her support).

I can set-up curtains, stages, lights, computers, help feed the poor, create graphics, finish my OYBG, attend group regularly, and have not love, I am burdened with obligation and grow fatigued from my commitments.

Love is patient
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love is not rude.
Love is not self-seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love offers a ride to church.
Love helps cancel a financial burden.
Love opens their home to friends.
Love visited me in the hospital.
Love helped mend a broken arm.
Love has made room for confession.
Love has given me hope.
Love helped renew my faith.

Love is what I have found in this little community we call the FOM. Apart from Christ, we are incapable of this love. Apart from Christ I know I am selfish, proud, and rude. I have realized that, I am even greater need for Christ than ever.

Jesus have my heart.