Dying well and what I have learned from my anger.

Dying Well

We will all die one day. That is one of the few things we can be sure of. But will we die well? That is less certain. Dying well means dying for others, making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind. The big question, therefore, is not "What can I still do in the years I have left to live?" but "How can I prepare myself for my death so that my life can continue to bear fruit in the generations that will follow me?"

Jesus died well because through dying he sent his Spirit of Love to his friends, who with that Holy Spirit could live better lives. Can we also send the Spirit of Love to our friends when we leave them? Or are we too worried about what we can still do? Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

I wanted to share this reading, because in a very peculiar way, it became very relevant in my life. I've been in a bit of a funk lately, well specifically agitated and angry, and I've welcomed this. I welcomed my anger so I could gain an understanding of why I've been a bit hacked.  Around 4:30 this morning after only about 2 hours of sleep, I received the email containing the above devotion by Henri Nouwen, found an answer to my questions. 

I've been angry because I've been living with the question, "What can I still do in the years I have left to live?", thus creating a frustration with how I spend my time and how I live my life and consequently the dissatisfaction there in. It's not about how I've spent my time loving and growing closer to others relationally, but how am I not wasting my time, or what I can accomplish, purpose driven, checking off the list, and all that. 

This helped me to see that, I can be free from worrying about what I am to do or accomplish. I am free to enjoy relationships. Freedom to know that the struggles I have that are not for friends, that are not a struggle to produce fruits of peace, love, joy, happiness, or contentment, that they are struggles in vain and will not last past my death. I am not sure the number of the rest of my days, longer then some I am sure, but I thank God for this second chance to find more fulfillment in life so that I can die well, having already died for others.