Series of important questions

What is community? If community is who you run into naturally, is the fom your community? Is it mine? I don't know. Perhaps, this is an important question.

Blessing One Another

To bless means to say good things. We have to bless one another constantly. Parents need to bless their children, children their parents, husbands their wives, wives their husbands, friends their friends. In our society, so full of curses, we must fill each place we enter with our blessings. We forget so quickly that we are God's beloved children and allow the many curses of our world to darken our hearts. Therefore we have to be reminded of our belovedness and remind others of theirs. Whether the blessing is given in words or with gestures, in a solemn or an informal way, our lives need to be blessed lives.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Reflections from El Salvador 01

I'd like to share some reflections from my time in El Salvador, these are personal reflections I wrote in my journal while there. There's a consistent theme I found in my life during that week, and in know way do I imply that this is relevant to everyone, just thought I'd share a few spiritual happenings from the trip.

12 August 2009

And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying,

“Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they existed and were created.”

- Revelation 4.9-11, ESV

So many crowns.

So many pursuits, so many things that I must lay at the feet of Jesus.

Some pure and good, some noble and just.

But all fall short of a deep love with Jesus. A communion of divine proportions.

This is what we are made for.

To love Him.

To love him deeply, passionatly, foolishly, recklessly, and dangerously.

Out of this love, from this love comes loving our neighbors, loving each other, out of this love is a fountain of Life, a living water that will quench all thirst.

We will be satisfied.

Today is a great day, so early and beautiful.

Happiness is carried on the morning breeze, joy splashing against the shores with the waves.

Amidst this moment, I feel as if my heart, not even weeks ago, was as hard as stone. Cold and dark.

Yet now, the dark cold winters night retreats from my soul in the warm glow of a sunrise. A new day.

May Jesus be with us today, may his love go with us. Peace, love, and joy in our hearts, gifts to the beautiful people we go out to.

Words That Create Community

The word is always a word for others. Words need to be heard. When we give words to what we are living, these words need to be received and responded to. A speaker needs a listener. A writer needs a reader.

When the flesh - the lived human experience - becomes word, community can develop. When we say, "Let me tell you what we saw. Come and listen to what we did. Sit down and let me explain to you what happened to us. Wait until you hear whom we met," we call people together and make our lives into lives for others. The word brings us together and calls us into community. When the flesh becomes word, our bodies become part of a body of people.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Wake up, finally

In the past month my life has been flipped upside down in the most wonderful way possible. No matter how many classes we went to, books we read, or advice we got from anyone and everyone...nothing fully prepared me for the moment standing in the delivery room, when one second there were five of us in the room, and the next there were six. I still can't get over it. The best part is, I thought I had a plan. What a fool I am.

For the better part of the last 13 years I have worked with kids...large groups, small groups, one on one, kindergartners to college aged, affluent to needy. In all of that experience I had developed at least a few ideas of what I wanted to be as a parent. Some of ideas came from watching great parents do great things, some from watching kids who couldn't get an adult to give them the time of day, some from child development courses in graduate school, some from sitting next to kids at Wendy's. But in a single moment, all of that experience and time with kids seemed to fade into a mass of nothingness. When everything in me seemed to scream "JASON, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!"

The truth is there are a whole lot of things out of my control. Ellery will grow up to be who she will, and she will experience so many things I can't even begin to imagine for her, both good and bad. But laying heavy on my heart is how to expose her to things that I hope will build compassion, love, honor and responsibility in her. How to let her taste God's love for other people in a way that breaks her heart and molds her spirit. One overwhelming thought has struck me as I have tried to think about how to be intentional about exposing her to a life of compassion...the thing that will make the biggest difference, where she will most see God's heart for his world, is not in special trips or rare events, but in how we choose to live every day, what we talk about when we are together, what becomes common place, not what is extraordinary. Suddenly the Shema means so much more to me.

Even more challenging to me is this deep sense that I want to figure out how to display compassion and love more in the everyday fabric of my life. I am excited for what it can mean for my family, for me, and for my daughter. But to be honest, I am a little saddened. Because I know that my daughter is not the only one that my life should be communicating God's love to. Why is it that it has taken me being father before I decided it was time to get intentional about things God has entrusted to me my whole life? So in the joy there is a sense of regret. I am thankful to wake up, but know God has been calling me to wake up for some time, and it took the lifeshattering joy of my daughter's birth for me to finally respond.

The Cupid Shuffle

I've been in Mt. Ida Arkansas for the last week working with Camp Ozark on launching a camp blog, and various video and creative projects. 

Each night there is a camp wide special activity. Last night the activity was 'Pump it Up", which includes several large inflatable obstacle courses, games, loud music all wrapped up with some group dancing. 

At some point they began to play the song the cupid shuffle, and Scott Torn turns to me and says, "Asher, its time for you to Cupid Shuffle." 

So Cupid shuffle I did. 

There I am, out in the middle of a field with several hundred young people, in the cool summer evening, dancing. 

At Camp Ozark there is freedom to do the cupid shuffle. 

I'm not usually one to dance, but this was a LOT of fun, and to be honest, for me it was the peak of the experience you get when you are at Camp Ozark. 

The experience that you can come to Camp Ozark and you are free be who you are, and that is a lot of fun. 

Free to be yourself.

You're not the athlete. 

You're not the star. 

You're not the bully. 

You're not the bullied.

You are you and you can experience joy and excitement. In this you experience a freedom, a joy, a connectedness to a deep part of us that I think God created and put in us. 

Later that night, heading to bed, I began to think about the world outside of Camp Ozark and the freedom we may or may not experience in it, and I began to think about how can I make the world around me, a place of joy. 

A world free to dance. 

A world connected deeply to its Maker.

Jesus' Compassion

Jesus is called Emmanuel which means "God-with-us" (see Matthew 1: 22-23). The great paradox of Jesus' life is that he, whose words and actions are in no way influenced by human blame or praise but are completely dependent on God's will, is more "with" us than any other human being.

Jesus' compassion, his deep feeling-with us, is possible because his life is guided not by human respect but only by the love of his heavenly Father. Indeed, Jesus is free to love us because he is not dependent on our love.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Your Horses Cannot Save You

Isaiah 31 – Doom to those who go off to Egypt, thinking that horses can help them.
Within a single year, God has reminded us that our little god is of no help.

In the late summer, we experienced a devastating hurricane and weeks without electricity. There was no amount of affluence that would have restored your electricity sooner or caused roofers and contractors to fix your house quickly. In early May, about 1/3 of the homes in my neighborhood flooded as ten inches of rain fell within 1.5 hours. Some people did not have flood insurance and are only left with the option of selling their home for the value of the land. Your money god is not strong enough to save you from natural disaster.

In November, we began to realize the symptoms of a deep economic recession, with home values dropping across the country by as much as 50%, banks and credit seizing, the stock market decline of more than 30% and the highest unemployment rate in decades. No amount of affluence could keep the creditors at bay, your home from losing value, your 401K from devastating declines or your company from cutting payroll. Your money god is not strong enough to save you from economic collapse.

In the spring, world health officials began to give warnings about a global pandemic. A new highly contagious strain of flu had the potential to cause death and there was no immediate vaccine. Schools in poor and affluent neighborhoods alike began to close their doors as students were found to be infected by the virus. Your money god is not strong enough to save you from sickness and disease.

How long will we continue to serve this little god? It cannot save us from natural disasters, economic collapse, disease, and loneliness.

Mexico

Mexico is not a volunteer.  But that's where I am.

Jim Kelley

This is Jim Kelley. Jim Kelley is an all around renaissance man here at the FOM. Jim is known for his wide range of knowledge in bible and biology. He is also the rhythm behind all of the FOM worship time.

Jim can tell you a lot about lots of things. Give him just a few minutes and you will know more than you ever thought you could about one particular subject. He is a smart man. Jim is authentic in faith in a way few have seen. He accepts the challenge to wrestle with the angel, and God meets him there each time. He engages God in relationship, plain and simple.

Jim is a volunteer. Like others he leads because he loves God and people. He fills holes where he is skilled. He is an asset as a hands on builder, a drummer, a set up guru, and he does it all selflessly. He never complains, countless times have I wished for a loving and grateful heart like Jim's. Jim Kelley. Friend. Role Model. Authentic. Humble. Loyal. These are words that describe Jim Kelley. Thank you, Jim.

Asher Castillo

This is Asher Castillo. Asher cares about church. A lot. I have had countless discussions with Asher about the church and about the FOM. He shares his frustrations as well as his happiness with our little church. Asher loves coffee, and Jesus, and good looking women. Three admirable qualities that any single girl would like. Wait, I'm going off topic.

Asher has been designing graphics for the FOM for no charge, for a long, long time. He hits the cultural target for branding design for bands, churches and video production graphics. There are people who are half as talented as Asher and have gotten paychecks for what they do. Asher volunteers.

Here's to my friend Asher. An artist who has come through in the clutch for churches, past, present and future. An unselfish guy who loves Jesus and asks the community around him to only do the same. Asher, thank you for all you are doing and what you have done for the FOM. I see Jesus in you.

What I learned from Tom

I had a miserable time working at HFBC. However, I love the man in the photo above. His name is Tom Mosley. Tom was worship pastor at the church. He was an inspiration as a leader and as a mentor. One thing he taught me, that gratitude is a discipline. He taught me to love and appreciate the volunteers I was in charge of. Volunteering is satisfying, but not always enjoyable. Churches look favorably on those who donate cash more than those who donate time. Time has been and always will be money, but you can't write it off, so the church has consistently overlooked the importance of volunteerism, then vounteers get burned out and then the church finds itself in its most comfortable poistion, up a creek. This week I will highlight 1 voluteer from the fom each day. I will lend my voice to appreciate those who devote obvious time to our little church.

Friends and Their Limitations

We need friends. Friends guide us, care for us, confront us in love, console us in times of pain. Although we speak of "making friends," friends cannot be made. Friends are free gifts from God. But God gives us the friends we need when we need them if we fully trust in God's love.

Friends cannot replace God. They have limitations and weaknesses like we have. Their love is never faultless, never complete. But in their limitations they can be signposts on our journey towards the unlimited and unconditional love of God. Let's enjoy the friends whom God has sent on our way.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Growing Into Our True Freedom

True freedom is the freedom of the children of God. To reach that freedom requires a lifelong discipline since so much in our world militates against it. The political, economic, social, and even religious powers surrounding us all want to keep us in bondage so that we will obey their commands and be dependent on their rewards.

But the spiritual truth that leads to freedom is the truth that we belong not to the world but to God, whose beloved children we are. By living lives in which we keep returning to that truth in word and deed, we will gradually grow into our true freedom.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

The Temptation to be only Relevant

This past Lenton season we started a discussion about the connection of Lent and the 40 days Christ fasted in the Desert. 

At the end of His fast, Christ was tempted. 

Accourding the Matthew 4.3-4

The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'

The first temptation was a temptation of being relevant to the situation at hand. 

You're hungry, others are hungry. 

Feed them. 

Meet the need. 

Christ responds by saying no. 

I think at a first glance, thinking on this, I was taken back. 

Isn't being relevant important?

Yes.

I think the answer is in His answer. Christ answers with,

Man does not live on bread alone, 

but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Jesus understands something at a much deeper level. Something deeper than a social mission, a hand out, something that connects people. I think many times I am tempted to let my commitments stop with an hour of volunteer time, or my checkbook turning  stones into bread.

Skipping a deeper commitment  to creating space to speak the words that come from the mouth of God.

I forget to speak the words that make some one matter. 

Words that heal.

Words that liberate. 

Words that love. 

I think we live under a lot of pressure to give to needs. To jump into every social awareness trend or cause. The rise in creating a common good, and social justice are incredible, needed, and welcomed.

 However, we must find the unique need where we are to be fully present. A place where we not only meet someone's need, but a place to speak words that heal.

Words that liberate. 

Words that make someone matter.

Words that are from the mouth of God.

Reading Spiritually About Spiritual Things

Reading often means gathering information, acquiring new insight and knowledge, and mastering a new field. It can lead us to degrees, diplomas, and certificates. Spiritual reading, however, is different. It means not simply reading about spiritual things but also reading about spiritual things in a spiritual way. That requires a willingness not just to read but to be read, not just to master but to be mastered by words. As long as we read the Bible or a spiritual book simply to acquire knowledge, our reading does not help us in our spiritual lives. We can become very knowledgeable about spiritual matters without becoming truly spiritual people.

As we read spiritually about spiritual things, we open our hearts to God's voice. Sometimes we must be willing to put down the book we are reading and just listen to what God is saying to us through its words.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

A Place to Start

Over the last few weeks we have been exploring the season of Lent, which is a season of preparation leading up to Easter. Lent lasts for 40 days, signifying the 40 days Jesus fasted and was tempted in the desert.  

According to the Gospels, Jesus was baptized by  John the Baptist in the river Jordan, he experienced a divine affirmation, and from there went into the desert to fast, and then to be tempted 3 times. 

And that's the beginning.

The place where one of the most compelling, polarizing people in the history of the planet begins, not with temptations in the desert, but a "moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."

The moment that He begins is the moment heaven claims him as its beloved.

This is a big thing, I think, at least it is for me. Actually I think, for more people then we'd think. 

I read a posting once from an individual in New York. It read,

"Lunch...with friends. Dreaming and talking about how we could make the world a better place. Everyone wants to matter."

Reading this, I realized how much of our lives tend to pursue to matter, we pursue to become beloved.

The irony is,

We already do matter.

We are beloved. 

Our pursuit is no longer to matter, or to be loved, but to love, to express to one another how each of us matters.

This is the start. This is the beginning.

To be honest, I'm not really what my life is supposed to look like being beloved, no longer pursuing to matter. 

So far it seems liberating. 

Free from impressing.

Free from status.

Free to give.

Free to love.

Free to serve.

Liberated from slavery to my sins, struggling to gain what has already been freely given. 

An Exodus.

The beginning of movement. 

This is Easter. 

Christ died, because we matter. We matter despite sin and failures.

Embrace liberation. 

We've been given what we struggle for.

  

And that's only the beginning.

Making Time for the Important

Someone told me once that "we make time what what's important to us." This phrase jumps into my head every time I tell myself or someone else that "I don't have time for that." I guess, if we were completely honest, we would more often say, "I'm not making time for that." This is because if we break our standard modern weekday schedule down, it would go something like the following:

• 8 hours sleeping
• 8 hours working
• 8 hours for the other things that are most important to us
  

If I've got 8 hours per day for the things other than working and sleeping, how should I spend it? Too often we let the immediate things replace the important things. If we were to plan the extra 8 hours per day for the important things, it might look something like this:

• 1 hour with God, who granted me the grace of life and forgiveness
• 1 hour ensuring I am fully available to anyone in my family
• 2 hours eating, and especially among family and friends with the purpose of community
• 1 hour serving the vulnerable and needy
• 1 hour reading to improve my mental health and life discovery
  
• 1 hour exercising my physical body to care for the temple that God has granted to me
• 1 hour in daily chores, errands and tasks to maintain my existence
  

Now that would be a satisfying weekday, and fully aligned with what's important. This is a weekday that I would not regret having wasted.

I'm wondering whether a wasted life is the culmination of wasting the extra 8 every day. Maybe a wasted life is attending perpetually to the immediate without regard for the important. What would it look like if we all began to schedule the important into our lives, not letting them get pushed out by the immediate things? I"m up for trying.

Living Faithfully in an Ambiguous World

Our hearts and minds desire clarity. We like to have a clear picture of a situation, a clear view of how things fit together, and clear insight into our own and the world's problems. But just as in nature colors and shapes mingle without clear-cut distinctions, human life doesn't offer the clarity we are looking for. The borders between love and hate, evil and good, beauty and ugliness, heroism and cowardice, care and neglect, guilt and blamelessness are mostly vague, ambiguous, and hard to discern.

It is not easy to live faithfully in a world full of ambiguities. We have to learn to make wise choices without needing to be entirely sure.


These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

A Still Place in the Market

"Be still and acknowledge that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). These are words to take with us in our busy lives. We may think about stillness in contrast to our noisy world. But perhaps we can go further and keep an inner stillness even while we carry on business, teach, work in construction, make music, or organise meetings.

It is important to keep a still place in the "marketplace." This still place is where God can dwell and speak to us. It also is the place from where we can speak in a healing way to all the people we meet in our busy days. Without that still space we start spinning. We become driven people, running all over the place without much direction. But with that stillness God can be our gentle guide in everything we think, say, or do.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Blog Response: Thoughts on Job

In response to a recent blog about struggling through Job, I wanted to share my thoughts on the story of Job. After seeking some guidance, I was given this input on a theological perspective of Job:

Most people think Job is the oldest book in the Bible. The literary style reads less like history and more like a parable. Be careful in a parable of making it an allegory. It generally has one teaching point. Don't draw conclusions about God's character based on the set-up to the narrative. Think of it like the parable of the prodigal son... the description of the scenario and character of the father shouldn't be picked apart like allegory.

I personally find this believable and a way to read Job and let it speak into my life. My personal belief is that outside of divine revelations and the unknowable, the author of the story of Job has no real way of knowing how the conversation between God and the Devil occurred. 

But let me also offer an additional perspective. What if the author did? What if God did have that exact conversation with the Devil? We tend to look at the story of Job and as usually in life focus on the superficial, the tangible happenings in the story. We see the story and we jump to the "Why does God allow bad things to happen" questions, and this is quite tragic. 

What happens to Job is tragic. The interactions of Job and his friends offer insight on practical relationships. 

But many times what we miss is the raw emotional fury of two beings that love one another.

Job is hurt. God broke his heart. The one he loves the one who he has not blasphemed has allowed these things to happen to him. 

Job hangs his relationship to God on the tangible things of his life. 

God in return gets upset with Job. God is hurt. Job broke his heart. 

God hangs his relationship to Job on a deep unfathomable eternal love. A love that transcends all circumstance, situations, status, and existence. 

Job cries out to God in confusion and anger. God answers. 

Job covers his mouth and listens.

As I have read the story of Job, I've wondered, has God broken my heart? Has he mattered that much to me that I am torn by his absence?

I'd like to end with a quote from CS Lewis on love, think on this in the context of Job and God. In the context of you and God.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Coming Together in Poverty

There are many forms of poverty: economic poverty, physical poverty, emotional poverty, mental poverty, and spiritual poverty. As long as we relate primarily to each other's wealth, health, stability, intelligence, and soul strength, we cannot develop true community. Community is not a talent show in which we dazzle the world with our combined gifts. Community is the place where our poverty is acknowledged and accepted, not as something we have to learn to cope with as best as we can but as a true source of new life.

Living community in whatever form - family, parish, twelve-step program, or intentional community - challenges us to come together at the place of our poverty, believing that there we can reveal our richness.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

I really wrestle with this. 

I wrestle with this because the idea of poverty is lost in the wealth and strength of our country. 

I wrestle with this because I am taught to cope with my poverty as best as I can. 

I wrestle with this because the idea that poverty can be a true source of new life is a foreign concept to my understanding. Is this source of new life born from vulnerable personal authentic relationships? 

Has my lack of tangible wealth and power created a wealth of ego, pride, and emotions that I greedily hoard from those around me? My spiritual life impoverished, the expense of massing wealth of time? 

I look to the man with much and I say, "thank God that I do not have this estate to uphold and protect." Then I look to the beggar, and I say, "Thank God I do not have to beg others for help, and I can sustain myself."

Then I look at my life, and I say, "I have protected my life, not losing it to save it."

I have so much to lose.

Not Breaking the Bruised Reeds

Some of us tend to do away with things that are slightly damaged. Instead of repairing them we say: "Well, I don't have time to fix it, I might as well throw it in the garbage can and buy a new one." Often we also treat people this way. We say: "Well, he has a problem with drinking; well, she is quite depressed; well, they have mismanaged their business...we'd better not take the risk of working with them." When we dismiss people out of hand because of their apparent woundedness, we stunt their lives by ignoring their gifts, which are often buried in their wounds.

We all are bruised reeds, whether our bruises are visible or not. The compassionate life is the life in which we believe that strength is hidden in weakness and that true community is a fellowship of the weak


These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Can you pull in the laviathan with a fishhook?

I have to admit, that for just the sheer poetic value, Job 38-41 is just awesome. There are certain passages in the Bible that get my blood flowing and this is one of them. Day 71 in Solo starts with 38:4, but the first three verses to me are mind blowing:

"Then God answered Job out of the storm. He said:
'Who is this that darkens my counsel
with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man,
I will question you,
and you shall answer me."

Are you kidding me! I think this may be one of the scariest moments in human history. I can't even fathom the sheer terror of the creator of the universe telling me out of a storm to "brace myself like a man." I imagine Job just slowly shriveling away to nothing over the next four chapters as God put him in his place.

Still, past the power of the passage, I wonder why God has to be so harsh. I mean after all, Job has already gone through a lot. Shouldn't God be more uplifting? Shouldn't God be piecing back together Job's fractured life? Shouldn't God care about all the pain and anguish he has brought on Job?

In Solo day 69 we get a taste of Job's frustration, and I can relate to it, to the feeling that God is not there and not listening. "I shout for help, God, and get nothing, no answer!" I hate that God can feel so distant some times. That nothing I do seems to illicit a response, or the emotional euphoria that I associate with closeness to God. But here is the power of chapter 38-41, God is clearly angry, but at what? At the insinuation that he is responding to Job with "a blank stare". God is not calling Job out because he is arrogant, or prideful, or consumed by some crazy power lust. God is righteously furious because Job is doubting that God cares for him, that God is present with him, and that God is concerned about his pain. And next comes the crazy part, despite the verbal beat down that Job gets, God actually respects that he expressed his frustration. He wants that. As we see on Day 72, God tells the men that have been berating Job that he is tired of them. Why? Because they haven't been honest with or about God the way Job has.

I am not sure how to sum all of this up, but there is something frightening and comforting about a God that wants to hear my frustration, and that will set me strait in it. About a God who becomes indignant at the insinuation that he doesn't care, even when that is my perception. About a God who has no qualms about reminding me how limited my perception is. About a God that values the honesty of my perception, even when it is warped, over a dishonest piety that paints our relationship in a sanctimonious box. That is a God I want to wrestle with and a God I am afraid to wrestle with at the same time.

[Lent=Me+Religion]

Lent to me means Religion: an attempt of humans to get closer to God. Throughout history, humanity has tried to create devices that would get people closer to God. The tower of Babel is an example. Lent is another one. Maybe it is the fact that I was raised in a country of ultra Catholicism, but to me it is a little scary that as a church we want to engage so willingly in religion. I want to be counter-religious (since religion is another domain of culture).

There is nothing that I can do to make God love me more. It is only by His grace that I can even breathe. I tend to be so self-obsessed. Lent is an opportunity for me to display my own self-obsession. Lord, I so would rather be God-obsessed. So this year, for lent, I am giving up religion.
--
Posted by David Bueno Martin

Solo with Job

Right now in Solo I'm in the middle of the story of Job. Last year when I was reading the One Year Bible I had a real problem with this story. In order to prove a point to Satan, God decides to take away everything from Job. It's interesting that this story comes during Lent. Isn't that the time when Jesus went into the desert and was tempted by Satan? Jesus doesn't fall for it and stands firm against evil, refusing to be tempted. Why then, was God so easily taken in when he agreed to Satan's suggestion that Job was only loyal to God because he was so well taken care of by God? This has been such an uneasy point for me. Obviously I'm missing something. Asher, help me out.

LENT: Prayer, Penitence, and Almsgiving.

Prayer, penitence, and almsgiving, in addition to self-denial or our fast, these are traditions during the Lenten season as preparation for the Easter celebration, reflecting on these I find the role each plays in my life in living as God's beloved. I feel some of these things have been neglected, some overdone in my life.


Prayer during this season has been very interesting, very flexible, very reflective. It is the moments where I can converse with God to release the things I hold onto, whether out of greed or distrust in Him. Many times I have found my self sitting in silence, trying to push the noise out of my head.

Straining to hear Him whisper, "You are my beloved."

I think this is difficult. Lent is a season of freedom. It's a season of being free from our selves. I've found freedom in sharing the prayer of an old blind man on a road.
Jesus Son of David, have mercy on me.
I've let this prayer repeat itself, in as constant of a manner as possible. A cadence of repetition, hoping for it to seep into my thoughts, and into my heart. A prayer with out ceasing. Free from having to say the right thing. Freedom from having to pray properly. Freedom for Him to say, "Beloved." and me to say, "Yes."

His kindness leads to penitence, or repentance. Many times I let my false self lead me into repentance, a self absorbed superficial self-deprecation that is void of true ownership of my actions.

And quite frankly that's a problem.

The problem is when my false self leads me into repentance, I do not accept myself as I am, as who I am, and that I am His Beloved.

To be honest, I have no problems being critical of myself. Judging myself. Admitting I am a failure. I can easily throw heaps of guilt and rejection on my self at ease. But to accept it? To accept that I am a sinner and His Beloved?

How can He? How can he call me beloved with what I have done?

Freedom.

Freedom cries out. It cries out to repent

To accept myself as I am to be His beloved as I am. To allow his love to heal. To allow his love to transform.

Freedom to repent. Freedom to pray.

Freedom to Give.

To be honest, giving is probably not an issue with this community, or many people in this country, to a degree. With the rise of social justice programs and causes, how is almsgiving even something that is a part of a journey of self-denial, prayer, and repentance.

I think in this season, we can find freedom to give, and to give well. We can find freedom to give to our uniqueness.

I think in our culture, awareness and causes is on a continual growth, leaving us burdened by obligations and guilt.

As we pray, and as we grow closer to Jesus and listen more for His voice whispering his love to us, I think we must take time reflect on our giving, and the freedom to be who He made us to be in our giving.

Remember you are His beloved. In this find freedom. In this find peace. In this find wholeness.

Our Unique Call

So many terrible things happen every day that we start wondering whether the few things we do ourselves make any sense. When people are starving only a few thousand miles away, when wars are raging close to our borders, when countless people in our own cities have no homes to live in, our own activities look futile. Such considerations, however, can paralyse us and depress us.

Here the word call becomes important. We are not called to save the world, solve all problems, and help all people. But we each have our own unique call, in our families, in our work, in our world. We have to keep asking God to help us see clearly what our call is and to give us the strength to live out that call with trust. Then we will discover that our faithfulness to a small task is the most healing response to the illnesses of our time.


These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Season of Lent | Self Denial

Begining last wednesday, we started the season of lent. Lent is traditionally the forty-day-long liturgical season of fasting and prayer leading up to Easter, representing the time Jesus fasted in the desert. According to wikipedia:

The purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer—through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial—for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Many people Celebrate differently, some denominations include a break from fasting on Sundays to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus the Liberating King. Currently some are participating in Lent through the H2O water project by fasting any beverages other than water, some are fasting "vice" foods usually a source of comfort, some are limiting their diets to match those in impoverished countries. 

This Lenten season, I am joining some in a restricted diet similar to those in impoverished countries, only breaking for specific occasions. This is not meant to be a burden on anyone, but a focusing on what Christ has done for us, and I would encourage us to ask Jesus to show us during this season, if there is a way that we can focus more on what He has done for us, to focus more on what His liberation has provided us. 

Over the next few weeks, I want to unpack a few specific things on the FoM Blogosphere about the three temptations Christ faced in the desert,what that means for us, and the purposes of the Lenten season, starting with Self Denial, and why I chose to fast how I did. 

A few disclaimers, first. This season is not about the fast, its about the saviour. It's not about tradition, but transformation. 

It's about walking into the desert and facing our most intimate struggles, and the liberation Christ brings us. 

This lenten season,  I am joining other believers in a fast restricting my diet. The diet is the same diet of children with Compassion International, who are sponsored by a local church here in Houston. The diet is rice, beans, chicken, a simple salad, and tortillas. Basically 40 days of tacos.

More importantly I want to share the reason why, that lead me to this decision. 

Food has equated to security and status.

When I get stressed, and I am worried about job security, provision, etc. I stock the pantry.

The first thing I'll do is make sure I have enough to eat, to last a while, frozen foods, and canned goods to make sure they'll last a long time. I take Gods daily provision into my own hands. Food is security. And I think what this has done in my life, has made me worry about what I am to eat, how I am to survive. It also is some form of status symbol, the better I eat the "wealthier I am" , and thus I have lost gratitude for the food God has provided, and I even feel as if I am some how entitled to eating a nice huge, hot meal.

And the truth is, most of the world survives off of rice and beans, and some how, stocking the pantry for survival equates to steak, or hamburgers, pizza, or treats. I feel as if my survival is dependent on satisfying my cravings. Since I've started the fast, I am finding liberation in God being my provider. I am holding things more loosely, trusting and surrendering to His control. Not just with food but in other areas. Food no longer provides the security or the status. It is simply a necessity to live. A physical fuel for His work.

It's been humbling, and it's liberating. Surrendering to Jesus an area where I try to control.

Should everyone fast this way? No.

Do I believe everyone must fast during Lent? I don't know. 

I do believe that during this season, we spend sometime with Jesus. Maybe there is something that if we would only surrender it to Him, we will find freedom. He will liberate our hearts.

Henri and Me

Last night I was laying in bed, thinking about spiritual emptiness, and seasons of Dark Nights of The Soul, when it struck me, that I had felt in a dark place for maybe 2 years. a long time, no doubt. My connection to Return of the Prodigal Son and reconnection has lately brought me to a place of understanding that just loving Jesus, is enough. Its enough when the whole world demands everything of you, its enough when it seems like no one emails or calls, its enough when i get laid off, or get a speeding ticket. Things come and go, bad and good, but loving Jesus is my only response to it all. My life is changed because Nouwen whispered a truth that Jesus whispers universally, "You are my beloved, and on you my favor rests."

FOM Solo: Reflecting & Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday, a day traditionally a day marked for repentance and acknowledgment of our human condition, we sinners saved only by grace. It begins the season of Lent, a 40 day fast leading up to the celebration of Easter, the day of resurrection of the Liberating King. Today is also, for me in my SOLO readings to reflect on what we have been reading. I've been reflecting on the prayers of Ezra, open repentance towards God, and importantly my openness to repentance.

As I have been reflecting on what we have been reading in the devotional and God's leading in these times, I have been questioning my openness to repentance, specifically, how open am I to repenting. Many times as I reflect, meditate and pray, I find that I am very open to encouragement, and very open to love, and very open to acceptance, but I seem to be dismissive of repentance. 

Not so much as, I dismiss the importance of repentance, but more dismissing that I actually have things worthy of repenting. Maybe it's not that serious of an issue, I mean really, everybody complains from time to time right? Overindulging, i.e. gluttony, it's not I'm robbing a bank. 

It's numbing. 

It's reasoned away. 

It's abusing the grace that I have been so generously given. 

I have not lived with the tension of freedom in grace and devout living to my King. 

Tension. 

Someone recently commented, "Christianity is not about balance as much as it is about tension."

I have to confess, I haven't been living with tension lately. I've let freedom in grace slip into the  indulging of pleasures. Stewardship slipping into greed. Honesty and authenticity slipping into using words that do not encourage or edify others.

In amidst of our hectic schedules, economic concerns, sports, entertainment, community, work, play, and fellowship, take a moment to reflect on repentance this Ash Wednesday.

Reflections on the last few days and Lent

Hidden Greatness

There is much emphasis on notoriety and fame in our society. Our newspapers and television keep giving us the message: What counts is to be known, praised, and admired, whether you are a writer, an actor, a musician, or a politician.

Still, real greatness is often hidden, humble, simple, and unobtrusive. It is not easy to trust ourselves and our actions without public affirmation. We must have strong self-confidence combined with deep humility. Some of the greatest works of art and the most important works of peace were created by people who had no need for the limelight. They knew that what they were doing was their call, and they did it with great patience, perseverance, and love.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

I've been reflecting on what we have been reading in the SOLO devotional over the last few months, and I have felt that very subtle shifts have been happening in my life, to be honest, I haven't been able to really articulate this experience until I read the above Nouwen excerpt. 

Daily I'm reading the readings in Solo, and I feel as if inch by inch, millimeter by millimeter, I am growing in a relationship with the Father, and in this my attitudes and perspectives seem to be shifting, and changing, one of which centers around what Nouwen's passage writes as greatness and what Santry talked about in his 6 minute blog. 

Anxiety, pressures, frustrations, and jealousy associated with areas that I try get validation from seem to be slipping away. It's not that the tension is not there, and I still struggle with finding affirmation and confirmation of Gods love through things, people, and relationships that will never provide said affirmation or confirmation of that love. 

I've started to notice this clearer in creating videos and graphics. When I work on a project I am finding freedom to just create and do what I do, and enjoy what I am doing. Freedom knowing that no matter how the project turns out, I am still loved. 

It's amazing that the more I seem to surrender to Him, the greater satisfaction I find in my life. 

I know several of us a participating Lent this year, I know some is specific to the H20 Project, others something different. 

I want to encourage everyone to pray about this season of intentional living in preparation of Easter. Lent is not a season of oppressive obligation, but a season of intentionally giving up something in our lives to focus on the sacrifice of Jesus our Liberating King and the beauty of his sacrifice. In turn traditionally the lent fast is 40 days of fasting that exclude Sundays, which are used as days of feasting and celebration, so as each of us journey through lent, be sure to make time to gather together, and celebrate the gifts Christ has provided for us. Be intentional, but be specific in your feasting and sharing. I pray that as we sacrifice during this season, we can rediscover things that may be missing or forgotten in our lives. Let's also continue to pray for one another that we will be sustained in our relationships with Christ. 

Peace to all you friends on this journey.

6 minute blog

Jough is coming over in 6 minutes so quickly....

This weekend I had the pleasure of making a short film with three other wonderful people. Working hard. Laughing hard. Creating. Making Art. And all the while spiritual conversation.

This is what I live for. Blatant transparency in the midst of creation.

That's what God did in Genesis.

That's what Jesus did in the gospels.

Revealing the unseen Kingdom with art. That's what I want to do.

Linking Arms - Solo Day 48

I've been overwhelmed, watching what happens when we link arms. A couple of weeks ago I sat in a meeting with some of Houston's most talented architects, theatre consultants, engineers, project managers, video and sound designers - twelve people, all working toward the goal of constructing a theatre space for west Houston that would fulfill the "art of theatre for the common good" vision. Many donating their time to the cause. One week later, I sat with gifted real estate experts and attorneys as they skillfully negotiated lease and purchase terms on the property for the same goal...also donating their time. Yesterday I watched some of Houston's most talented actors and theatre educators as they worked with more then 50 students at Frostwood Elementary to draw out their personality, give them a sense of self-worth and help them explore their God-given creative gifts. Today I met with a group of gifted business people and a professional fund-raiser, all donating their time to help see the financial resources come together for the same cause. Tomorrow we'll host a basketball party for 5 basketball teams and families - maybe 70-100 people - most whom were not involved in organized sports a few years ago. Now the kids have relationships with adult role models who can help them break cycles of poverty and fatherlessness in their community.

I was thinking that three years ago, most of the people involved in these activities didn't even know each other. Even if they did know each other, they were not bound by a common mission. They don't all go to the FoM. In fact, most don't go to the FoM. Yet, all of them are pursuing a big, audacious and worthy goal...some out of social beneficence, some out of a heart for God's kingdom. Thanks to God, all are linking arms. None of them could have accomplished this alone. When we link arms in community with a common mission, we become more like God every day and share the privilege of watching him fulfill great things that will make him look as great as He is.

Investing in People, building community.

The Meal That Makes Us Family and Friends

We all need to eat and drink to stay alive. But having a meal is more than eating and drinking. It is celebrating the gifts of life we share. A meal together is one of the most intimate and sacred human events. Around the table we become vulnerable, filling one another's plates and cups and encouraging one another to eat and drink. Much more happens at a meal than satisfying hunger and quenching thirst. Around the table we become family, friends, community, yes, a body.

That is why it is so important to "set" the table. Flowers, candles, colorful napkins all help us to say to one another, "This is a very special time for us, let's enjoy it!"

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

People and relationships have been a large core of Christianity. It's not a post-modern thing, it's not a generational thing, it's not a life-cycle thing.

It's what seems to be a God thing. 

When read the scriptures we can find passages where Christ ranks the love of God and the love of others in a top priorities, even as far as to say that we love others as much as we love our selves. If we read through the Old Testament where several of the Jewish feasts and times of worship where set around a meal with their families and community. There has always been this most interesting dynamic between sharing our lives with each other and meals. Meals happen at weddings. They happen at funerals. They happen when we celebrate another year of living or marriage. 

Moments of joy, pain, somberness, romance, love and peace, are many times shared around gathering together sharing our selves and food. 

Community is important. 

Relationships are important. 

Gathering in each others homes is more than just a program, or a social function, it is a place of sharing with one another our lives, it is close to the heart of God. 

It's worthy of preparation.  

More than setting the table. 

Preparation of heart. 

When an invitation is extended. When we say, "Come. Sit with me. Let me share my life with you." Allow your mind to settle and not focus on the busyness of life's moments, but allow our hearts and mind to seek how when we meet, when we gather around the table what we can bring to share. 

A listening ear. A thoughtful remark. Encouragement. Good news. Compassion. 

 

The Trusting Process

I look at my progress in my relationship with God in two categories:

1. Trusting Him
2. Doing what he says.

I give myself Fs in both categories. I hope he is grading on a learning curve.

In trusting him, I am so guilty of moving before he makes his move. Then once I do, and see what kind of a pickle Ive gotten myself into, I tend to be quite embarrassed. I always say I will wait on him next time, but seldom do.

To trust the unseen is to believe like you have nothing to lose. In my ideal world that I have here, I have so much to lose, risking it on God, seems impossible. Trusting God really seems like an option. In places like third world nation, I don't believe its the case at all.

I know people who've been to poverty stricken nations, who really have seen cripples walk, and the blind see, primary because, they only have Jesus to help them. Here in the states, we are a nation surrounded be so much of our own creation that trusting God seems like something archaic.

I pray I never get rich in the American sense, and I pray I never have to live in poverty in a global sense. I pray I don't live like I've got nothing to lose, but to trust Jesus like I do.

Reflecting after 6 days

So beyond the devotional, I listen to lots of music. I went through a period in my life when I focused on listening to God through secular mediums. I believe that he is speaking through everything that we pay attention to. I always tend to find him in song lyrics by secular artists. From Eminem, to Ani Difranco, to The Weepies. I am trying to find God wherever he might seem to be hiding.

This week, I give you The Weepies and their wonderful song. "Take it from me."

What can I compare you to, a favorite pair of shoes?
Maybe my bright red boots if they had wings
Funny how we animate colorful objects saved
Funny how it's hard to take a love with no strings.

But come on take it, come on take it, take it from me
But come on take it, come on take it, take it from me (we`ve got a good life).

What can I compare you to, a window the sun shines through?
Maybe the silver moon, a smile rising
The magic of the fading day, satellites on parade
A toast to the plans we've made to live like kings.

I lose my breath despite the air
When the rain falls down I give in to despair
Pink magnolia in winter she doesn't care
if you don't show up to have another cup.

What can I compare you to, when everything looks like you?
I get a bit confused with every Spring
Flowers that bloom your eyes, hummingbirds side by side
My heart won't stay entirely in this rib caging

This song is a love ballad between father and child. My life sings with lyrics like--
"What can I compare you to, when everything looks like you?
I get a bit confused with every Spring
Flowers that bloom your eyes, hummingbirds side by side
My heart won't stay entirely in this rib caging"

And all in the same noise I can hear Jesus asking me to take his love from him in the chorus.

Jesus--Please be the chorus of my life. The savior of my verses, the great lines and the not so great. Perhaps one day, I will be able to understand how "to take a love with no strings."

Idol Factories

Day 41

"The heart is an idol factory"--John Calvin

In a deep exploration of my own heart, there surfaces many idols. Jesus competes somewhere near the bottom, unfortunately. Jesus is competing with so many of my insecurities and fears that live in the chamber of my heart. My desire to be loved by all, to be thought influential and strong, the desire to be everyone's favorite, is rivaled by own cynicism, bitterness and self loathing. These are the idols that Jesus competes with inside of me. An ugly mask that I wear to keep from looking like the one who truly lives up to the term "Idol."

Jesus, I lose you amongst all the idols that I force you to stand behind. Please melt away the expectations and heard heart that are a result of my fallen nature. Please love me in spite of all these idols.

Dying well and what I have learned from my anger.

Dying Well

We will all die one day. That is one of the few things we can be sure of. But will we die well? That is less certain. Dying well means dying for others, making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind. The big question, therefore, is not "What can I still do in the years I have left to live?" but "How can I prepare myself for my death so that my life can continue to bear fruit in the generations that will follow me?"

Jesus died well because through dying he sent his Spirit of Love to his friends, who with that Holy Spirit could live better lives. Can we also send the Spirit of Love to our friends when we leave them? Or are we too worried about what we can still do? Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

I wanted to share this reading, because in a very peculiar way, it became very relevant in my life. I've been in a bit of a funk lately, well specifically agitated and angry, and I've welcomed this. I welcomed my anger so I could gain an understanding of why I've been a bit hacked.  Around 4:30 this morning after only about 2 hours of sleep, I received the email containing the above devotion by Henri Nouwen, found an answer to my questions. 

I've been angry because I've been living with the question, "What can I still do in the years I have left to live?", thus creating a frustration with how I spend my time and how I live my life and consequently the dissatisfaction there in. It's not about how I've spent my time loving and growing closer to others relationally, but how am I not wasting my time, or what I can accomplish, purpose driven, checking off the list, and all that. 

This helped me to see that, I can be free from worrying about what I am to do or accomplish. I am free to enjoy relationships. Freedom to know that the struggles I have that are not for friends, that are not a struggle to produce fruits of peace, love, joy, happiness, or contentment, that they are struggles in vain and will not last past my death. I am not sure the number of the rest of my days, longer then some I am sure, but I thank God for this second chance to find more fulfillment in life so that I can die well, having already died for others. 

Changing God's Mind

On day 38, David changes Gods mind, by praying that he be merciful on Jerusalem.  Moses and Abraham also prayed and God changed his mind.  So we must all be able to, through prayer,  change God's mind.  Perhaps, this is a call for me to engage him in relationship more deeply.  Perhaps he is asking me to come to a place in our relationship where we can communicate enough that I can in fact, change his mind.  Maybe in turn, I will change my own mind about my misconceptions of him.

Breaking Solo

I am breaking ranks a little bit and not going to actually write about anything out of the past week in Solo. Instead I figured I'd talk more about what God is doing in me. Because the truth is, what God is doing in me has a lot to do with this week in Solo, and every week for that matter. Because it has to do with me consciously setting aside time to be with God, to listen, to read, to engage. That is what this week and every week in Solo are about to me. Engaging a God that wants to be engaged.

A couple of weeks ago I was struck by the reality that most of what I do, I try to do by myself. And by struck I don't mean lightly reminded, I'm talking about being smacked up the side of the face with a three day old fish kind of struck. Somewhere in the core of who I am there is a constant struggle for relevancy, for power, and for significance. Rather than explain what I mean, I am just going to tell you what I see it doing. This struggle bleeds itself into all I do and all I know of myself. No matter what I am involved in, the struggle is present, haunting me with echos of inadequacy and inferiority. So I am always looking for security, in everything. Why is it that we feel like we have to be in a position of security before we act on or do anything (thank you day 23)? The more I look at my life the more I see me trying to create my own security. All over my life I see the marks of me living and acting alone, even in the places where I claim to do it for God. Somewhere in my head and heart there is faulty wiring. I feel like I am amassing armies for my own security, when God is actually saying, "Send the army home, I want the credit for this one."

Don't get me wrong, I don't suppose that God is against careful planning and best utilization of resources. But how easy to fall in the trap of letting everything be about those resources, or the assembler of those resources (in the case of my life, me). Now, back to where I started. The Roberts Security and Resource Collection Plan seems to be most in effect when I am not engaging God. Because in a mysteriously beautiful way, engaging God leads me to being engaged by God, to learning to set aside my agenda, to finding new importance for resources I didn't value before, for seeing my relevance in relation to humble submition rather than personal accomplishment. It gets me away from me and lets me be led by God.

FOM Solo: Talking with God

In Day 24 the topic is Talking with God.  The practical part of the book asks you to lie facedown on the floor to pray as Manoah and his wife did in Judges.  Then, notice what it's like to pray this way.  It got me thinking.  This act of lying down before God is seen in more than one place in the bible.  Obviously, it's an act of respect.  We bow our heads now as a sign of respect, but the two actions don't produce the same results.  When you are lying facedown, all distractions are blocked out, unless you count audible sounds around you.  In this way you can really talk and stay focused on your conversation with God.  Bowing your head is respectful, but doesn't block out distractions.  I don't think we need to change our practice in church and start lying down on the carpet when we pray, but I wonder.  When did this practice change?  

FOM SOLO: Day 24 Conversations with God and invitations

The room is empty, except for me. 

Stillness. 

Except for light traffic noise, it is quiet. 

Solitude.

The slight overcast and blinds block out any brightness, yet allow enough light to create a beautiful day.  As I sit and wait, and allow the stillness and solitude to linger, I focus on the calm and let my imagination quiet the mind. 

As I sit, a whisper. 

Request and a declaration in the same. 

Declaration of His love, and a request with heavy implications. 

In one ear he whispers, "You are my beloved,  believe you are my beloved."

 Then he shifts to the other ear and whispers, "Can I?"

"Can I join you in life?" 

"Will you talk about your decision with me?"

"You are my beloved."

"Can I be with you at work?"

"Know that I love you."

"Stuck in traffic? Can I wait with you there?"

"Beloved."

"Invite me."

I am humbled by His love, each declaration pours into my soul and quenches thirst of a dry and cracked heart. Each time, He asks me to invite Him into my life, I meet with glad surrender, and relief of the burdens. 

Then He asks, "What about there."

My sin. The dark places in my heart. Places of bitterness, and lust. Greed and jealousy. 

The shame seems unbearable. 

"Beloved, I love you and I want to be with you there, in those times as well." 

"Beloved, I am Healer, I am Restorer, will you invite me there too?"

Peace. 

Reluctance. 

Surrender. 

I pray that this conversation continues. I pray that I continue to invite Christ into every area of my life. I pray I can be freed from a life oppressing the Healer into 15 minutes a day.

Community Supported by Solitude

Solitude greeting solitude, that's what community is all about. Community is not the place where we are no longer alone but the place where we respect, protect, and reverently greet one another's aloneness. When we allow our aloneness to lead us into solitude, our solitude will enable us to rejoice in the solitude of others. Our solitude roots us in our own hearts. Instead of making us yearn for company that will offer us immediate satisfaction, solitude makes us claim our center and empowers us to call others to claim theirs. Our various solitudes are like strong, straight pillars that hold up the roof of our communal house. Thus, solitude always strengthens community.

taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

How I Managed God's Cash

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. (1 Chron. 29:11)

As part of our current series on money called “Cash Call” we were challenged by the principle that God owns everything and he entrusts money and possessions to us as temporary caretakers. Fully embracing this principle gives us great freedom in giving and a proper understanding of our position in relation to possessions. We gave everyone who attended that Sunday some money to use for God’s purposes, reminding them that this was not their money but only theirs to manage. Following are some of the ways that these resources were used:

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Through Kiva.org, we sent our collective $25 to a lady in Fogatuli, Samoa to buy more farming equipment and to expand her shop to maintain business growth. Her husband is a farmer.

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I donated to Heifer International. Here is the description. I like the idea of providing a gift of education as well as materials.

From Uganda to El Salvador, bees from Heifer International help struggling families earn income through the sale of honey, beeswax and pollen. Beehives require almost no space and, once established, are inexpensive to maintain. As bees search for nectar, they pollinate plants. Placed strategically, beehives can as much as double some fruit and vegetable yields. In this way, a beehive can be a boost to a whole village. Although most Heifer partners keep bees as a supplement to family income, beekeeping can be a family's livelihood. Your gift can help Heifer provide a family with a package of bees, the box and hive, plus training in beekeeping.
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We are contributing the money given to our friends Mandy & Jonathan Casurella that are raising support to be medical missionaries in Madagascar with World Venture. They are scheduled to depart for Madagascar fall 2009.

From their website, www.besidethebaobab.com
"As a medical doctor and a professional counselor, we plan to use our combined skills to promote physical, mental, and spiritual health and development in Madagascar. We aim to demonstrate the love of Jesus Christ through our work and relationships. Essential to our beliefs in service is partnership. Partnership with the Malagasy people in service to remote communities and partnership with friends, family, church's and various organizations to join us in our efforts in promoting health and healing in Madagascar. Our long term goal is to partner with the Malagasy people to develop sustainable healthcare in these remote communities.

Creating Space to Dance Together

When we feel lonely we keep looking for a person or persons who can take our loneliness away. Our lonely hearts cry out, "Please hold me, touch me, speak to me, pay attention to me." But soon we discover that the person we expect to take our loneliness away cannot give us what we ask for. Often that person feels oppressed by our demands and runs away, leaving us in despair. As long as we approach another person from our loneliness, no mature human relationship can develop. Clinging to one another in loneliness is suffocating and eventually becomes destructive. For love to be possible we need the courage to create space between us and to trust that this space allows us to dance together.

taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Destitute Foreigner Helping Orphans

He looked like just another homeless guy who was bold enough to walk into Starbucks and appeal for a handout. I was busily working on my computer, so I stayed focused on the project. Then I saw him hold up a piece of paper with a note. My immediate thought was that he couldn’t speak due to a disability. Not so. “Ukrainian Missionary – Please help me with money for orphans in my country.”

The Solo reading on day 17 continues a theme of God’s heart for the vulnerable. “Make sure foreigners and orphans get their just rights.” “Don’t abuse a laborer who is destitute and needy.” “Leave grain in your field to feed the foreigner, orphan and widow.” It seems that a consistent directive throughout the old and new testament is our responsibility to care for the most vulnerable in our society. So this destitute foreigner raising money for orphans was quite a find. This was a 3fer – a triple crown – a triad – a triumvirate. My immediate thought should have been – “I’ve hit on all three here God. Even my annoyed fellow Starbucks patrons are dropping one dollar in his bucket. As your follower, and knowing that your heart is inclined in triplicate towards this guy, what should I do? Is that worth three dollars?”

Anyway, I did help him more than the other patrons – which was no great sacrifice and will probably bear no mention when I meet Jesus in eternity. In hindsight, I probably should have spent the money I was giving him to buy him a grande coffee and asked him to sit for a while. Maybe I should have asked him if he needed a place to stay. Maybe I should have found out about his work in the Ukraine. Maybe I should have prayed with him. Maybe I should have invited him to worship with us on Sunday night. I think those things would have reflected God’s heart for the destitute foreigner helping orphans. I’m afraid I missed the triple crown.

A Still small voice

The Still, Small Voice of Love

Many voices ask for our attention. There is a voice that says, "Prove that you are a good person." Another voice says, "You'd better be ashamed of yourself." There also is a voice that says, "Nobody really cares about you," and one that says, "Be sure to become successful, popular, and powerful." But underneath all these often very noisy voices is a still, small voice that says, "You are my Beloved, my favor rests on you." That's the voice we need most of all to hear. To hear that voice, however, requires special effort; it requires solitude, silence, and a strong determination to listen.

That's what prayer is. It is listening to the voice that calls us "my Beloved."

From Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

A Chasm and a Choice

When Adam and Eve were told to not eat of the one tree, God put it there anyway. He offered a choice.

They chose.

Now a chasm lies between humanity and himself.

A gap stretches over infinite time and pain, and God has raced to my side of the chasm and offers a hand.

Once again, he's offering a choice.

I am american, in a garden of eden, and he's offering a choice. I stand, looking up at the forbidden tree, this time however, Jesus is hanging on it.

I pray I choose you.

The beginning of my end

What is it when life becomes revealed delusion?
What is it when that which is, is found to be not as it should be?
What is it when dreams, hopes, fantasies and plans become an ethereal vapor, dissipated in the winds of revelation?
What is my life?
Who am I?
What is real?
No really; what is real?
Who can be trusted? What can be trusted?
Who will be there for me? Seriously.
What is this dark shroud that blankets my light, separating me from Awareness, numbing my world like a vat of Novocaine?
I only know that God is.
This is the air I breathe. It is all I have.