What's in the Box?

This holiday season, I've hesitated to blog early or heavily. I think I've been trying to wrap me head around a lot that is going on. I've been thinking about gifts and giving and this metaphor of a gift, and this gift we give each year at Christmas, and this gift in a way is us, or the experiences and memories we create at Christmas.

I've heard a lot of conversations on how we wrap this gift.

We wrap this gift in a variety of things. Some wrap there gifts in fair-trade, some wrap there gifts in Advent Conspiracy and take back Christmas from over consumption. Many wrap their gift in the patriotic flag of spending to stimulate the economy.

What we wrap these gifts in is a wide gamut of shine-y, new, impressive, profound, deep,relational and authentic. We've wrapped our holidays with a variety of trappings, and yet in moments we may still feel as if somehow we're still missing the meaning of Christmas.

The question that I've been asking myself lately is what is in the box? Do we fill the box with desire to give more and spend less? Insecurities to overspend and incur debt to impress or give to disillusionment of superficial "love".

What is it do we put in our box?

Maybe that's the problem.

Something is in our box. It is occupying that space, and in turn is not allowing space for others.

Maybe to have a more meaningful holiday season this year, the best thing to place in our box is nothing.

Should our gifts be empty to be filled by Christ's love. Should they be empty to allow room for others who may be different?

I guess if your wanting a fulfilling Christmas, wrap it in the best way you see fit, and make sure there's enough room in your box to be filled.

From the Rush House

Dear Jesus-- I love you.  I am not great at showing it all the time.  But I feel like sometimes I'm on the brink of finally deciding to really fall in love with you.  And, Sometimes I feel like I am about to close the door on faith all together.  Each day is different and mostly increasingly difficult. My life is too busy.  We all agree on that.  You tell me to slow down, to just be, but I  don't really trust you.  If i did, I would wait for you instead of going ahead of you.  I wish I knew you better, but sometimes I'm glad I don't.  I live in the grey are most of the time.  I am lukewarm. The bright side of what keeps me closer to you is the church.  The FOM exists in a place that genuinely reflects your love for those who need you, and the FOM shows your face outwardly to the world.  That is beautiful.  But for me, for some reason it misses my own heart. I believe in doing things for others of course.  But also, I feel like my relationship with you takes a back seat due to how busy the FOM maybe with helping others.  That maybe a crappy thing to say, but it's how I feel.  My heart is constrained without knowing you more.  A lot of the fault lies in my own apathy and my selfishness.  But I also sometimes believe that a journey into the heart of who you are and how you can fix me, seems like a journey few of us have the heart for.  Mainly because it is scary and I hate seeing the things that are screwed up in my heart. I need the fom to be that for me, I think.  I think I need to help be that for the fom.  I want others to know me, but I have to make the step to know others.  Jesus, If I am created in your image, and your desire is to be known, then that is my desire as well.  I pray that you will help me know you, to truly trust you, and in turn let me know others and them to know me.  Align our hearts and put our faith in you.  I love you. Your Son, Santry

Recent FOM Comments

I've received some really encouraging emails over the last couple of weeks about the impact of The FOM in the journey of some of our people. Here are a few snippets.

“We both were excited to find a place where authenticity was important and where the church was actually practicing what they were preaching. We love The Fom and what God is doing in it, and through it. I personally think that it's through these kinds of community, that God is able to do the best work.”

“My testimony says it all about how Jesus, the FOM, and you guys have helped me stay on the path and grow.”

“I always thought the church helped people who were really in need (like food, clothes etc.)...but it was unbelievable to me that you all reached out to someone like us....has really changed my perspective on things.”

“I am grateful to the FOM for being a welcoming organization that is doing great stuff for others and for myself. “

“Thanks for letting me express some of my doubts. I am grateful to the FOM for being a welcoming organization that is doing great stuff for others and for myself.”

“I am so proud to be a part of FOM and witness the incredible gifts God has working through FOM and impacting so many people!”

“I can't imagine my life without the FOM right now. I love the people that make it what it is, and the approach we take to living life as a community.”

Comments from Arno

The Danger of Routines

 

Jason has expressed his concerns with doing things by rote.  I’d like to present the analogy of a carpenter building a home for his family.  He’s doing the one of the most important things in the world.  But when he’s hammering, I’d prefer to have him concentrating on the nails rather than his ultimate purpose.  I agree that we can sometimes get caught up in the meaningless details of life, but I have faith in Jason (and Ivy) to regularly check to ensure that the little things they’re doing are leading up to good big things.

 

 

Mosaic’s Purpose

 

I think it’s easy to appreciate Jason’s work with FamilyPoint Resources assisting those in great need.  Mosaic’s role is a bit more subtle.  I see it as assisting those not in apparent or relative need.  It’s objective is to nudge general society in a positive direction, to engage our culture, and to spread our values.  Mosaic’s purpose may be just as important as FamilyPoint’s, but it is by nature harder to assess.  I see this as a worthwhile challenge, not as a reason to back away.

 

 

Simplicity, or Not

 

In essence, our goals are simple.  But if we’re to engage society, our endeavors will have to grow more complicated.  The challenge is to keep our basics simple while dealing with a complex world.

 

Also, I find that own thinking tends to get narrowly channeled when thinking on my own or with similarly minded people.  Interacting with the world can help get me (and others, I assume) out of self-created ruts.

 

 

FOM vs FamilyPoint vs Mosaic

 

I think there’s a lot of concern that we’re tending a lot of flocks other than our own.  I think it was wise to set up the FOM, FamilyPoint, and Mosaic as separate groups.  Although the FOM is kind of a parent to the other organizations, it also has its own separate purpose of serving the member’s spiritual lives.  I think the community outreach of the other groups can both assist our own spiritual goals and distract us from them.  The key is balance.  Maybe we need to decide what the FOM needs to do apart from these other groups before deciding how it will assist them in their objectives.

 

 

FOM Next vs. Community Center

 

The existing community center is hidden behind the church.  It doesn’t engage society, though it does provide a useful meeting place for various groups.  It helps support society’s strengths (scouts) and helps fight society’s problems (AA and similar counseling groups).  If you belong to a group that meets there, it is great that it exists.  If you don’t belong to one of these groups, you may not know it exists.  I think the advantage of FOM Next is that it will try to attract individuals who have not committed to joining a particular group.  And of course, we will have much more freedom in deciding how to shape our own facility and what types of activities to sponsor.

 

 

FOM Next: FOM’s Front Porch

 

Although our door is always open (figuratively), there’s still a pretty strong boundary between “us” and “them”.  The FOM Next facility would help to break this boundary.  How we engage “them” will have to be determined, but it would allow the following interactions that can involve expression of our values in some form:

 

Theater: Kidz Planet, other children’s theater, adult theater, church services, other entertainment with positive values.

 

Coffeehouse: General socializing; Sales of CDs, books, etc.; Fair trade products.

 

Coffeehouse performances: Musicians, open mic night, student performances, poetry.

 

Meetings at coffeehouse: Church small groups, One year Bible, book clubs, knitting groups, writing groups, art groups, environmental groups, financial literacy, life skills.

 

Classrooms/play areas: Kidzstreet and Treehouse, playing while parents at coffeehouse, child education (FamilyPoint non-sports activities), adult education.

 

 

Arno

 

Blog

Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.


Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

I am addicted to busy; I now sit at a desk piled with papers that need my attention; I haven’t even finished reading my emails for the day and it’s almost 9 pm at the office.
I go home exhausted with little to share with my family, certainly not much time to spend in quiet waiting before God before I fall asleep.

I have calculated the number of the beast, and it is man’s number, but it’s more than 9 to 5.

As the prophet hid himself in the cleft of the rock awaiting a still small voice, so we shall need to position ourselves.
It’s not enough to be there an hour early to put up curtains, practice music, run through the powerpoint presentation or check the child-care area.
It’s not enough to make sure we have the coaches to cover our teams.
It’s not enough to call everybody for small group.
It’s not enough to have all those volunteers to set up and break down sets for actors who arrived an hour before sunrise to go over scripts for the coming performance, all for a viewing audience of a dozen or two.
Where is God in all of this? I know the right answer, the way it’s supposed to be, the theologically correct remark (not unlike the daydreaming child who blurts out the answer “Jesus” during Sunday School when aware they were just asked some kind of question).

Perhaps I’m just projecting, but I’m in great need of this Sunday, a time of waiting (not the standard “time for silent prayer” that lasts all of 20 seconds because folks start shifting in their pews). I’m ready for something different; I need something different, like I need oxygen for my soul.
I want to be still, and I’m afraid I can’t be.

Incapable.

"The person who's in love with their vision of community will destroy community. But the person who loves the people around them will create community everywhere they go."

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer


The more I read and expose myself to people in need, the fringe the marginalized, I see needs, but also what develops, maybe even in a subconscious way, the idea that I depend on God for less.

Maybe it's pride.

Maybe it's spiritual ignorance.

Whatever it is, this idea that God has provided greatly for me, and I am somewhat independent, some moment shatters those thoughts and leaves me limping through the rest of my pilgrimage with the realization that I am incapable of love separate from God.

I've realized that I can give my money to Non-profits, NGO's, FINCA, LWI and the lot, and have not love, I am just receiving a government tax benefit at the end of a year.

I can blog to the masses (probably not), watching the hit counter as musings of spirituality and theology hit cyberspace, if I have not love, I am a loud gong whose only blog follower is his mother (though a faithful fan, probably biased in her support).

I can set-up curtains, stages, lights, computers, help feed the poor, create graphics, finish my OYBG, attend group regularly, and have not love, I am burdened with obligation and grow fatigued from my commitments.

Love is patient
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love is not rude.
Love is not self-seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love offers a ride to church.
Love helps cancel a financial burden.
Love opens their home to friends.
Love visited me in the hospital.
Love helped mend a broken arm.
Love has made room for confession.
Love has given me hope.
Love helped renew my faith.

Love is what I have found in this little community we call the FOM. Apart from Christ, we are incapable of this love. Apart from Christ I know I am selfish, proud, and rude. I have realized that, I am even greater need for Christ than ever.

Jesus have my heart.

Remember Remember the 5th of November.

The words of a British rhyme about the 5th of November when a conspiracy to blow up British parliament. It’s history not pretty, is traditionally held as the remembrance of the saving of the King and royalty. Recently, the character of Guy Fawkes was revived in the film V for Vendetta, the films hero uses the image of Guy Fawkes to remove a powerful modern fictitious new world order. Today in the real world, the 5th of November will be the day after the US presidential election. The day after probably one of the most interesting presidential election, and especially the election that’s primary focus has been centered on change.

Change. It is evident that the American people, want change. This is why I would ask for people to remember the 5th of November. The 5th of November is the day after the votes have been counted and the results are in. It is the day when the world will find out who will take the office of one of the most powerful figures on the planet earth. For some the 5th of November will be celebratory, for others, disappointing. For me I believe it is a day, like any other day, to vote.

Yes to vote.

The day after the election.

Everyday we have the power to vote. I find it somewhat humorous that our votes hold the image of elected Presidents.

Everyday you vote with your dollar. Where the money goes, how much, to whom and on what, are all things that elevate the importance of its recipient. Economy and Oil are the tops of everyone’s issues lists this year, the reason why is the dollar vote.

So how is this an opportunity?

To be quite frank, its the opportunity for the church, (i.e. body of Christ, believers, disciples, followers of Christ, other, etc.) to make what is important to the heart of God important to the lobbyists, representatives, members of Congress, city officials, Wall Street advisors, investors, presidents, rulers and others.

How does this work one may ask?

It works by where you vote. Buy from the companies that have non-exploitive and fair working condition policies for the goods manufactured. Write letters to people who will hold companies accountable. Write letters to your favorite companies and express your desire for them to change or support for their products may be stopped. Buy local. Shop fair trade. Consume wisely. These are economic changes any American, any human being can use to help create a better culture centered on the common good. Remember remember to Vote this 5th of November. And the 6th, and 7th, and 8th and so on.

When Worlds Collide

Lately I’ve felt like the worlds inside my life have been colliding. Colliding for priority of time and attention. One world is my occupation and all the things of busyness. The other world the things that matter to me the most; serving those with less, community, reading, reflecting, conversations, various things that feed my soul.

One world is tangible, material, outward focused, sometimes in a good way, and others in more of a selfish way. The other world is more spiritual, more not tangible. With the increase of work, hurricanes, and other matters, my capacity to do more has become very limited. I feel tired, weary, burnt out, high centered, spinning my wheels, not gaining ground, running around in circles, tractionally challenged––the list of descriptors could go on.

What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I ever feel like I’m in the zone, living out my passions, unburdened by the load my life has created. How can I have the moments that feed my soul and still have capacity to do the tangible things that matter greatly to me and that many times are things that I feel like matter to the heart of God?

Movement.

Specifically a shift.

A movement to Christ as the center. A movement from serving two masters to only serving one. Henri Nouwen once wrote, that before we can become hospitable, we must first become broken and empty our hearts to make room for others. In a moment of fleeting reflection on a Houston Metro Bus, I began to realize that I had let my heart become too full. Full of stuff that, despite it being important, limited the space for Christ in my life. Thus impacting the space I have for others. The fall out is nasty.

So where do we start?

Honesty is a good place to start. Maybe an honest look at what things are taking up our time. Maybe cutting back on work or studies is not the answer, but what about the TV? Internet surfing more recreational than intentional? Sleeping in? Staying up? For me, it used to be the X-Box and gaming. I really can’t spend ample time listing areas in my life I may need to reduce or have reduced to calm my daily to-do’s in hopes of regaining some of my life. What I can say is that I am learning that spending time praying, reflecting, feeding the soul, and centering my life around Christ is important enough that other areas are having to take a much lower priority. This is not fun nor easy, surrendering things is not easy, especially when they are not necessarily bad things.

We’ve started a series of talks this week we’re calling Divine Conversations. I believe a conversation with Jesus is also good place to start. Maybe we need to ask Jesus what He would like for us to lay at His feet. Maybe its a big dream or goal. Maybe it’s something as easy as a 30 minute reality show.

Jesus have mercy on me. On us.

Conversation at the FOM

we've created a new point of contact for all of us FoMers. conversation@thefom.com , what we are utilizing this email for is basically an opportunity, whether it be anonymous or not, for you to ask questions, start conversations on things that maybe going on in your world or the world around you. Many of these conversations will be carried on the FoM blog, not to worry names won't be posted and confidentiality is priority. drop us a line, ask some questions and lets see what conversations get started.

- asher

The Space Between

The space between what's wrong and right Is where you'll find me hiding waiting for you.

- Dave Matthews Band, The Space Between

We've just finished a new conversation at the FOM this week on Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll. I'm looking forward to the conversations that this will hopefully start, and to where these conversations will lead us in our journey together as a community. Many times I seem to find myself entering into a very self-centered conversation on how I live my life, or how a life should be lived, and in this I find myself afraid. I'm afraid of the freedom that conversations like this may bring, and yet, I'm not sure if "freeing" myself is the ultimate end of this conversation, but maybe creating space for others.

For years sex, drugs, and rock & roll, have been walls that the church has used to separate itself from others; the rejection leaving hurt and scars.

Scars that I believe need healing.

When you look at the life of Christ, you see a friend to sinners. You see that He was about the marginalized and those on the fringes of society. My prayer that as we continue in Him, we continue to find space for those around us. Peace!

Authenticity: Keeping it Real.

There times in life that certain buzz-words are what I am all about. Words like 'Green' or 'Missional' or 'Relevant'. Recently a favorite buzz-word of mine became a bit more real to me and acted more as a 'buzz-kill' in showing me where I really don't know what it means to be, well, to be authentic.

For some time authenticity has held this 'keep it real' mentality, where cynicism and telling 'people how it is' has taken a front seat. Don't misunderstand, I believe honesty and candor, and speaking one's mind is important, within the context of love and caring, and having empathy for those around us. But this is not the point. It is difficult to express what thoughts are running around my head, so maybe it would be best if I share with you an experience I had recently that showed me what it means to be authentic.

This past Sunday night we had a slightly different worship service. Recently our church sent a missions team to Moldova (in Eastern Europe) to work with a missionary we had commissioned to go there a year ago. We sang a few songs, then Brandon, our lead pastor, greeted everyone in normal fashion, acknowledging our value of be real and having authentic community and worship with others. He then turned the service over to Nate Sloan (the missionary). Nate began by telling us other stories, and then opened the floor up to the others that went on the trip.

Thus begins the shift.

The first team member to share told of meeting the kids and various other activities, and then began to talk about what God had done in their life, and how when they where telling the story of their life with God, they told it in the most honest way that they ever had. I remember thinking on this through out the service. How it resonates with my own life and story. A story that sometimes seems to change with the telling, making sure I get all the words right so maybe it doesn't sound too bad or it sound cooler or something. Reflecting back on this moment I realize this was the set up, and an even deeper turn was to occur. One of the elders of the church that went shared their experience on the trip. After a few images and stories, they made a comment about our culture confusing excellence for execution, and then they played a video clip. And here is where I was introduced to the real authenticity.

The clip was one of the worship services they participated in. A service in a dark basement, a small table and one light, and a song. A song that was being sung by one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard. It was truly a humbling experience. What was humbling was the genuine-ness of their worship, the honesty of their worship. This song flowing from a real life love for Jesus. Watching this video clip, I was convinced beyond a doubt, that these people love Jesus, they really do.

This has left me is broken.

It's difficult for me to express what exactly I am feeling. I feel like I have replaced a life of sitting on the lap of Jesus, resting my head to His chest, feeling His heartbeat with cheap satisfactions when unimportant conditions are correct. I've struggled to fill that void with experiences of "thank God they're playing my favorite worship song" and achieving proper execution of service, only left to the frustrations of not filing the whole.

In my broken-ness, by His grace, would Jesus help me keep my life with Him real, genuine, and authentic, and that He would take away those imitation things that I try to put in its place.

Why We Gather

I spent most of my life growing up in a non-denominational Evangelical church. Most of my life has been spent in church services, usually 3-4 times a week I was in church. After graduating high school, I became involved in youth ministry leading small groups, working at a church camp, as well as various other ministries in our church, most of which centered around a church service. Over time this became very laborious, very routine. I had spent countless hours at conferences or meetings, researching and trying to learn how to have a good church service, each one usually the same, centered around a gimmick, or some current pop culture. Eventually that was all that I thought about church services, was how to do them.

To be honest, until I got out of going to church regularly for a while I realized I needed to know why.

Since being introduced to the post modern and emerging church about 2+ years ago, I've been amazed at how church gatherings are happening, organically and obscure; from theaters to coffee shops to night clubs and cigar bars. Amazing. But not entirely the point.

Let me be specific and a bit candid.

I think small groups, meeting in homes breaking bread is amazing. I think meeting at local establishments to have coffee or a pint and great conversation is excellent and necessary.

Building community. Sharing life with each other, but there's this other piece. This other time of gathering. What is it about?

It's about the center.

The moments we gather to sing songs, and pray, the moments when we all come together is wrapped around the center of it all. Christ.

It's a moment when we come to worship Him for what He has done, for what He said He will do. It's sharing the joy with each other of living a life with Jesus, the God became man. Its a re-centering, a moment of reflection.

To be honest, even as I type these words it is hard to believe. It's an area I struggle with. This last sunday I visited a church in Houston, and found myself distracted and somewhat restless, fighting my mind from wandering. Thinking about the service on the bus ride home, I felt like I had ruined myself and could no longer just "attend" a church service. After a few moments, with my mind quieted, and my heart open, I began to realize that it wasn't about the church service anyway. It's about the condition of my heart. It's amazing really, I spend most of the bus ride home from church thinking about how to go to church, and not about how to grow closer and fall more in love with the One who church is all about.

I've forgotten my first love, ironically it's not for the love of another its for the quality of the date.

Living the Dream

This past weekend I went to the Texas hill country for Independence Day, and then to Lufkin, Texas, and then Houston. During the going to and fro, I saw a lot of Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd's. and that had me thinking about MLK, his dream and a very common phrase I seem to hear a lot. Whether it's a Facebook status, a bumper sticker, or some form of communication, I have been told by several people that they're "Living the Dream."

I've been even told by other people that because of my (at the time) nice apartment, gaming console, flat screen TV, and being single, I was in fact, "Living the Dream."

To be honest, I've been wrestling with this thought that living a life of self-indulgence is a dream? Not just a dream, but the dream.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for having a good time. A little R&R is pretty good for one's soul. But when I think about MLK's dream, a dream that he gave his life to, and quite frankly, a dream that 50 inches of HD Halo until your eyes melt can't compare.

I guess my question is not what is "Living the Dream", but what is the dream worth living, or rather what is the dream worth giving life for?

I think dreams like these are hard to find. I think the reason they are hard to find is because they are found in the place where intimacy and surrender with God is found. We can call it our calling, or purpose driven whatever, or even our preferred future. Many times we call it our dreams, today I'd like to maybe refer to it as our journey.

This journey, this life with God. Breathtaking and immense are these moments in which we interact and live life with the living God. TE Lawrence once said, “All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”

They act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. They act out their journey with open eyes to make it possible. Wow. Incredible. To live life interacting with God, walking out our dreams in the path that He has set for us. Simply amazing.

Millions are spent finding a life of purpose, a life with a dream worth giving life to. Millions are spent trying to find this thing that can only be found in one place. Intimacy with the Father.

To be honest, thinking about the dream God has for me brings more questions and frustrations then answers, but what I do know is that compared to the life I have lived before, I think now I can say, "Yeah, I'm living the dream."

So I think I'm Jesus. What could possibly go wrong.

A Messiah complex is a state in which the individual believes themselves to be, or destined to become, the savior of the particular field, a group, an event, a time period, or in an extreme scenario, the world. In an extreme case these people are usually wacko (i.e. Adolf Hitler) or in a mild case, someone like myself who gets this preconceived self-righteous moment where I think I should try to fix someone, something or the current injustices of the world. When this happens I'm confused, I think I am called to be Jesus instead of following Jesus.

Rich Mullins once wrote:

God has called us to be lovers and we frequently think that He meant us to be saviors. So we "love" as long as we see "results." We give ourselves as long as our investments pay off, but if the ones we love do not respond, we tend to despair and blame ourselves and even resent those we pretend to love. Because we love someone, we want them to be free of addictions, of sin, of self--and that is as it should be. But it might be that our love for them and our desire for their well-being will not make them well. And, if that is the case, their lack of response no more negates the reality of love than their quickness to respond would confirm it.


To be honest, I've been wrestling with this lately. You know its easy to love someone when it's confirmed. Its easy to love like in the movies. Sure the coach can give up his life, go the extra mile, stand against adversity, neglect his family and strain his marriage.The team wins in the third act. Results like that make the first two acts seem easy.

So what if that's not the case? What if you love the loser. Is it bring a good steward loving a lost cause? I'm struggling with this because it hard to love this way. It's hard to spend time for things that may not have an end result. Unfortunately for the result oriented this a love that requires no more than to love and that is all. It is less of an obligation and more a result of a broken life that can not hold in its contents.

The Bible mentions we have all sinned and fallen short of Gods standards (Rom 3.23. paraphrased). When we are mindful of our flaws and failures and those things that are forgiven we can be broken and let whatever amount of His love pour into our lives and the lives of others.

So am I a messiah here to fix the worlds injustices, be angry at the greedy rich and bitter at the bureaucracies? I think not. I hope not. I am a sinner who is forgiven and who is just trying to let love live a little more in my life.

Cry Freedom Cry

The future is no place to place your better days

- DMB

I really struggle with the whole growth, process journey idea thing. I love the idea of a preferred future, except for well, the future part. Simply put, I want it now. It's not that I am against transformation, I'm all for it. I love the idea of God becoming this intricate part of our lives, shaping us into people who can have capacity for good, and be a vessel for change. Having an idea of what that preferred future may hold, I get frustrated because I want to be in it right now.

I know God prepares us for tomorrow, He patiently leads us to that future, my problem is, that future, that end goal, that chapel, that mission, is where I put everything. Somehow in my mind, I think, Ok when I'm there, when I'm working in that calling, in that mission, that's when I will be the most connected to God and His love can flow through me, and I'll be a better person, and everything will be great. Those will be my better days.

Wrestling through these frustrations I have come to this place, where that preferred future, that mission will not be where I put my better days. I don't want to wait until the wall is finished to worship God. I don't want to wait until the last steeple is in place to give my all to Him and to others.

My prayer is that now, in these days, in these everyday moments I would worship Him and that in some awesome way I can love and serve those around me on this journey.

My Small God in a Box

I'm realizing that my tendency is to make God manageable; to give him boundaries that I can fully understand and embrace. I want to put God in a box. This way I can own him, rather than him owning me. This has become apparent lately as I've been reading through Joshua and wrestling again with my inclination against God's justice. How does his love and justice correspond? Psalm 101 says "I will sing of your love and justice." I just want to sing about his love and disregard his justice. I'm not sure I fully understand his justice and sometimes the scriptures don't attempt to explain it. This is especially apparent in the Old Testament. Often they just tell the stories and leave us to wonder "why?"

There is an obscure narrative in Judges 13 where the parents Sampson, the future Judge of Israel, are visited by an angel. First, they describe him like this ..."He looked like an angel of God, very awesome." Somehow I think we have diluted the term "awesome" to describe a good hamburger or a new song that we like. These folks described a visit from an angel of God as "awesome" and they probably used that term accurately because it caused them to fall on their faces in worship. Moreover, they asked the angel his name, and he replied "Why do you ask my name? It is beyond understanding." Can you imagine? The angel refused to even give them his name because they were too obtuse to understand it. Is it possible that if I'm too dense to understand the name of an angel of God, maybe I'm too finite to understand the eternal purpose behind each of God's actions?

There is a book by J.B. Phillips written in 1960's called "Your God is Too Small." It's a good word for me right now. Here's a quote from his summary: "We can never have too big a conception of God, and the more scientific knowledge advances, the greater becomes our idea of his vast and complicated wisdom. Yet, unless we are to remain befogged and bewildered and give up all hope of ever knowing God as a person, we have to accept his own planned focusing of himself in a human being, Jesus Christ. If we accept this as a fact, as the Fact of history, it becomes possible to find a satisfactory and comprehensive answer to a great many problems, and, what is equally important, a reasonable "shelf" on which the unsolved perplexities may be left with every confidence."

So I'm leaving God's infinite purpose in his justice through history on that "reasonable shelf" today and determining that I'll not be so presumptuous to conclude that he can be managed. Thanks God for not being limited to my box.

Storing like a Woodpecker in Memorial

We have a bird feeder in our back yard. I noticed recently that different birds treat their material possessions differently. The Sparrows tend to show up when they are hungry, slim and quick, they visit a couple of times per day and get only enough to make it until the next meal. Mourning Doves stick around most of the day. They eat until they are bloated, fat and can barely fly. I guess this is what makes them a great source of easy protein for cats and hunters. The foolish gluttons fatten themselves up for their eventual demise.

The Woodpecker is perhaps the most appropriate bird for my neighborhood however. They store-it-up. Our Woodpecker spends hours, going tirelessly from the bird feeder to the closest tree. He picks up a seed and drives it deep into the oak. He is foolishly unaware however, that a few hours later our wily Squirrels come and steal his stored-up possessions. Every day it's the same routine. The Woodpecker stores and the Squirrels steal.

I'm watching this scene and reading Luke 12:14-34. A man comes to Jesus and asks him to tell his brother to equally divide their inheritance. In that day, when a father died, it was up to the oldest brother to administer the remaining assets. In this case, it didn't seem like an unfair request that the assets should be divided. But Jesus detects the idolatry and tells a story. There was a rich land owner who decided he needed more storage for his grain and crops, so he tears down the old barns to build bigger ones. The land owner's plan seems prudent. He is prosperous and needs plenty of assets to assure a secure future. "...Then I'll say to myself, you have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." But there is a problem. That night the man's life is taken. God calls him a fool, for storing up things for himself without being inclined toward God. It seems that the store-it-up strategy is not so prudent after all.

Jesus goes on in this passage to encourage us to act like the Sparrows. Not to worry about the future, but trust God to meet our daily needs. He encourages us to take the extra from our crops, and rather than storing-it-up, to give them to the poor. In this way, we will help our hearts to treasure the things that are really most valuable. It turns out that "a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."

As it turns out, I am meeting with a financial advisor today. I may take that Woodpecker along and introduce him to the Sparrow.

We Are: A Confession of sorts

As a community we’ve started a discussion on who God has made us to be. A vision for a preferred future. It’s been a excellent series thus far, arousing introspective questions about life, who I am and what the future may hold. Thoughts on how all of these moments that make up this life cohesively form together to bring glory to God. In this discussion, I’ve realized that it’s my tendency to try to find definition, not by asking who by God’s will I am, but by trying to find definition in who I am not. By judging others.

I believe that in these moments in defining who I am by proclaiming who or what I am not, they are moments of self-righteous judgement aiming at someone else’s flaws or hypocrisies. We proclaim “I’m not like them!” or “What a hypocrite!” and allow bitterness into our hearts.

Ironically, where I am quick to disdain someone and their hypocrisy, I myself am a hypocrite.

Onto the confession.

Over a year ago, or so, I bought a 2003 Toyota Tundra for the simple economical reason of trying to impress a young lady. I traded a preferred future for my current image. After the truck, it was a television, clothing, extravagant spending, a gaming console, a very nice but pricy apartment close to work “to save on gas”. The list goes on. The lifestyle - out of control.

My preferred future became a very non-preferred future.

And the Truck wasn’t worth it.

Some FOMers are aware that I was in an automobile accident this past January, where my truck was totaled, due to a driver running a red light. The driver was uninsured, what many don’t know is neither was I. Simply put, I was irresponsible and the previous policy I was covered under had lapsed and was no longer valid.

A good friend expressed their disbelief in me driving uninsured and asked how and why I could allow this to happen. At the time I don’t think I really had a good answer.

I think I do now.

There was a time when maintaining my image was more important then maintaining my responsibilities. Image management was my hypocrisy. It has been a place, a big place, where my life has not acted out on what I believe. It is not a part of who I am.

So what does hypocrisy, being judgmental, one person’s irresponsibility, a truck and trying to keep up with the Jonse’s have to do with finding this life that God has for me? This idea of who We Are?

Well, I think that in someway, it has to do with confession. Many times we confess out of guilt, obligation, arrogance, or lack of control, and because we confess for those reasons we miss out on confessing in a very true, pure, authentic way that owns up to who we may be, and is a part of a struggle to become who we are. I think that when we’re judging others and are trying defining ourselves by “who we are not”, that not only are we effecting our preferred future, we’re harming the present as well.

Early Retirement

A great thing about allowing God to overflow into every area of your life is when those things overlap. Recently in the FOM's Total Money Makeover Group we where discussing saving for retirement, and today I was reading(catching up) in my OYB reading, and an awesome thing happens, Jesus talks about retirement.

What He says reminded me of our group discussion and something John Piper said at an event in 2003, and it made me seriously think about retiring early.

Jesus replied, “Friend, who made me a judge over you to decide such things as that?” 15 Then he said, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.”

16 Then he told them a story: “A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops. 17 He said to himself, ‘What should I do? I don’t have room for all my crops.’ 18 Then he said, ‘I know! I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I’ll have room enough to store all my wheat and other goods. 19 And I’ll sit back and say to myself, “My friend, you have enough stored away for years to come. Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!”’

20 “But God said to him, ‘You fool! You will die this very night. Then who will get everything you worked for?’

21 “Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.”

Luke 12.14-21

I tell you what a tragedy is. I’ll read to you from Reader’s Digest (Feb. 2000, p. 98) what a tragedy is: “Bob and Penny… took early retirement from their jobs in the Northeast five years ago when he was 59 and she was 51. Now they live in Punta Gorda, Florida, where they cruise on their 30 foot trawler, play softball and collect shells.” The American Dream: come to the end of your life - your one and only life - and let the last great work before you give an account to your Creator, be “I collected shells. See my shells.” THAT is a tragedy. And people today are spending billions of dollars to persuade you to embrace that tragic dream. And I get forty minutes to plead with you: don’t buy it.

- John Piper, One Day 2003

I think what is amazing is that in discussing retirement at group was awesome, because we discussed retirement as being different for followers of Christ, actually how its about more than retirement, but about how to live life. It's not just spinning it a different way, coming up with the hip, post-modern, anti-established, trendy-Jesus, view of retirement either. Its about working towards a freedom to be able to operate at my fullest capacity in God's mission to reconcile a broken and lost world to Him. Maybe I caught the Ecclesiastes bug from a poetic sunday morning rant, or maybe I'm young and can think this way, but you know it really has to stink to be the guy in the story Jesus told. He was rich and rich for a reason. He worked hard, had his emergency fund, drove a used cart and horse - paid off of course, did his debt snowball, and at the end of it all, he died. Just like we all will, and maybe, just maybe by Gods grace He'll help me on this journey to freedom. Maybe just maybe he'll rescue me from my prison of net worth . And maybe just maybe, if I'm really really lucky, by His grace, I'll be able to retire early.

What Happened to Me

I'm hoping this is a good way to tell this story. I think it will be helpful for me to "write it out."

Last week, around Wednesday, I received an email from the pastor of the church I previously attended. The title was "THAT WAS A GOOD EASTER," and it included a transcript of a story I shared with the church one Easter a few years back. It was the story that most of you have already heard about God rescuing me from death when I was 3 years old. That story has been vital to me for as long as I can remember. It's shaped how I understand God and my desire for intimacy with Him. I am convinced I would be a different person were it not for this story. It's my "road to Damascus," I suppose.

So I read through the email. And it occurred to me to share it with another friend of mine who is a pastor of a church. On Friday I was up at the office by myself. It was quiet. I forwarded the email to him, and he asked if he could read it to his congregation on Easter. I told him that the story didn't belong to me, and told him he could absolutely share it. This started a discussion that led to a bit of an epiphany for me. And I use the phrase, "a bit," because I'm always conscious of how strange it sounds when someone says, "I heard God's voice." But I did. Or at least I think I did.

I told my friend that, for my whole life, people have asked me what I believe God saved me for....what my purpose was....what great thing I was kept around for to accomplish. I've found myself wondering the same. Is it my family? Is it influence? Is it some contact I've never considered or don't even remember which God turned in to something beautiful? I've thought it might be any of these things.

And then God spoke. The voice I clearly heard inside...whatever that is...said, "This story was never about you, Brett. It was always about me." Wow. Immediately I felt ashamed that it had taken 30 years to be awakened to this. We say, "To God be the glory!!" all the time. It shouldn't take this long for me to get to this spot. It's not what I'm to do....it's what He's done. Living with the burden of this story...and in many ways it is burdensome...this is so freeing. There's no room for anything but intense, intense gratitude and praise.

On Easter Sunday, Brandon, in his brief talk after the Drama for your Mama(!), mentioned Lazarus. As a side comment he said something about the fact that Lazarus ultimately died. And it occurred to me that we don't think about that much...that Lazarus ultimately died. The story of him being saved from his death is so powerful it distracts us from the reality that this man ultimately ceased breathing. I can imagine that at Lazarus' funeral people spoke of this event that happened to him...this raising from the dead. That story was more powerful than his ultimate death. It is told even today. It speaks powerfully and clearly that Jesus is the Christ. That life wins. And it occurred to me that this story I'm a player in is just the same. It's been told. It will be told after I die. My sons will tell their children. My friends will tell others.

My mom and I spoke Sunday night. I shared this encounter with her, albeit reluctantly as she already thinks I'm a Jesus freak! She said, "That's amazing. I was in the doctor's office on Wednesday. I was talking to the nurse, and somehow we started talking about faith, and I told her your story. She started crying. She said she had already been told this story by the doctor who was present at the time of your experience, and was just excited to meet the mother who endured all this watching her son dragged to death only to be rescued."

Yeah, that story isn't about me. It's a lot bigger than that. TO HIM BE THE GLORY!!! in ways beyond what I've comprehended before.

Thanks for providing me space to share this...I've been working through all of it for the past week or so now. I hope there's some point of encouragement or resonance in there for someone.

Like owning one coat is sooo 30 A.D.

from a OYBG blog posting.

I've been finding the dangerous thing about being an avid reader, and reading books within the same genre, you experience overlap, points of thought emphasized and repeated. So along with my OYB, I've been reading a biographical devotional about Rich Mullins, the chapter I am starting (possibly avoiding to read past the first page) is on simplicity. The reason I mention this, is that a few days ago I stumbled across an interesting point John the Baptist makes, in answering a question on what one should do, he says;
If you have two coats, give one away,[Luke3.11, The MSG]

I read this and I think I have so much stuff, but does it really matter? To be honest with you, I don't like wrestling with these things, because well maybe I think it makes God out to be a killjoy robing us of coordinated wardrobes. As I look at what I have, what I spend my money on and I look at the size of the worlds problems I ask my self, does it really make a difference if I deny myself more than one coat?

Unfortunately the answer I am finding for myself is, well, yes.

It does matter.

It matters because in its essence it is what separates Christianity from social justice, its why the church is more than an outreach center or a spiritualized community center. The Rich Mullins book mentions that Soren Kierkegaard once wrote, "Purity of the heart is to will one thing." That purity of heart, that essence of why consumption and simplicity matter, is Jesus, it is to will Him as one thing.

The more I think about simplicity and having fewer wants, the more I realize that Christianity's appeal is a cop-out and not why I am wrestling with this. I realize that I am wrestling with this because it is reflecting on what 'one things' I desire. The things that are my will.

Becoming

Have you ever read the scriptures and some obscure phrase sticks in your craw like the esophageal cramp you get from eating pork skins too fast?
Today's OYB passage did for me... it read, "...and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor."
Became a traitor.
Became.
Not was... not "born that way"..., but "became a traitor."
That terrifies me.
How can a disciple numbered with the twelve, a follower of the Rabbi just like Peter or James or John, an apostle chosen by the Son of God to share daily life with this inner circle of twelve... How could he 'become' a traitor?
How can I 'become' a traitor? by contrast, I see through a glass dimly for now... Judas smelled Jesus' perspiration... if Judas could 'become a traitor', what about me?
Counter that with Saul of Tarsus, a hater of the brethren, a young lawyer probably affiliated with the ACLU with an agenda to rid the society of these Followers of the Way.
Saul, named from a man-appointed King, who got struck by the Paradox; Saul who became 'Paul', who became the greatest missionary the early church had known, writing more biblical works than even Moses.
Jesus, how do I become more like this Saul/Paul dude?
Jesus, how do I not become a traitor who betrays you with my words and lifestyle of distractability?
Lord, help us be awake in this tension.
Thy will be done. amen

Between

My Dad is scheduled for Surgery next Monday to remove a cancerous kidney.
Today is Friday...That's in 3 days.
That includes an entire weekend of anticipating an event over which I have no control, an event that will greatly impact someone I love to the limits of mortality.
He's been in town this last week, unexpectedly back for additional tests at the medical center, and this time also happens to be my Spring Break.
Everything feels tentative.
Like waiting, but I'm not sure for what.
A couple of millennia past, about this time on a Friday, a Good man was slowly executed for a crime he did not commit, brutally killed by Religion for the expediency of their political agenda.
I have never understood why we call it Good Friday.
But at this moment I can certainly appreciate the Between, that amorphous time of waiting for something... or awaiting... something to happen?
We call Sunday "Easter"; the disciples call it: "They just killed Jesus, and we're probably next if they come for us."
That's why they were hiding in the home on Saturday and Sunday.
There was no jubilant procession of baskets and pastel colors.
There was no sunrise service... there certainly was no building called "church".
There was just a cluster of frightened, bewildered, anxious followers hunkered down in this weird Between time, awaiting the clank of swords and armor.
And instead they got a histrionic sister babling something about the tomb and a gardener and Jesus' corpse being moved.
Happy Easter.

freewill offerings

Exodus 36: 6-7: "Then Moses gave an order and they sent this word throughout the camp: 'No man or woman is to make anything else as an offering for the sanctuary.' And so the people were restrained from bringing more, because what they already had was more than enough to do all the work."
What an amazing moment in the life of Moses. It would be the equivalent of our government writing a public notice in the papers and on local media, "please stop paying taxes, because we already have more than we know how to use." Crazy.
Yet that's what happens when people sense the very presence of God... craziness abounds.
How much of Christ's commands are irrational to the educated Westerner?
What does Paul mean when he writes, "The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."
What is missing in our daily lives that we have settled for complacency? Where is our passion for the things that stir the heart of Jesus?
As we consider how to apply spiritual disciplines to our lives, may we learn to fan the flame of pentacost anew. Crazy? I wish. Crack-heads? Cool--That's basically what they said about the apostles when the Spirit annointed them.
So where do we start?

Called Unto Ourselves?

Someone said that 'the value of any religion can be determined by how it serves it's non-adherents.' I'm concerned that the church in America is growing increasingly insular as mainstream culture becomes increasingly secular. Ironically, it's exactly this isolation from those outside of faith that is creating the cultural backlash and impression that the church is self-absorbed.

When my kids were younger, we would occasionally walk over to a church playground near our house. I noticed a few months ago that the church had put up an iron fence around their property with padlocks on the gates. I'm guessing this wasn't enough to keep the community out of their playground because they recently added a big fat red sign ...."No Trespassing. For the use by Holy Spirit Community only..." I was grieved for the church when I saw this new sign.

Ok. I know what you are thinking. 'With the litigious society, they are simply protecting themselves from potential liability.' I suppose that argument can be used to avoid almost any activity that involves people outside of the congregation (or for that matter, those inside). I know a few attorneys and I've asked them about this. No one seems to able to point to a precedent-setting case where a church was found liable for the playground accidents of its non-adherents.

This is all a symptom of an illness that is plaguing the church in America. Pastors are trying to keep their members happy because their livelihood depends on it. Their members are often more focused on protecting the institution than fueling the mission. It's a dilemma that leads to an isolated and self-protecting congregation.

All this makes me more committed to our cause - "joining God in bringing reconciliation to a broken and needy world." The heart of our mission is serving and loving the non-adherents. My belief and experience is that this external-focus will always make the adherents more content as well. So join me in welcoming all trespassers at the FOM.

Fly Turtles and Overloaded Life Rafts

“The flower said I wish I was a tree, the tree said I wish I could be a different kind of tree. The cat wished that it was a bee, the turtle wished that it could fly really high into the sky, over roof tops and then dive deep into the sea. And in the sea there is a fish, a fish that has a secret wish, a wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it.”

So tonight I was laying in bed listening to music (with my head phones on so as not to disturb my sleeping wife) and I was struck by the lyrics of this song. They seemed to blend together with some things that have been hanging around my heart, but never really become clear enough to put to words. So I am going to take a rambling and likely ill-fated stab at it…

A lot of what has been hanging around my heart has to do with life rafts. I’ve been reading a book by Donald Miller and he talks about our need to draw our understanding of who we are from outside ourselves. That we are created in such a way that our identity is intended to be drawn from God, but most of us, being in various states of self- imposed distance from God, have turned to drawing our identity from the people around us. The result is we live our life like we are on an overcrowded life raft, always comparing ourselves to the people around us, never wanting to be at the bottom of the totem pole, because that person gets thrown overboard. We are constantly basing our self-worth on acceptance from and comparison to other people.

Great, so what does that have to do with flowers, and trees, and fish that want to be cacti? Good question. I’m not sure I have a good answer. But it may have something to do with the fact that I am realizing more and more that this desire to be cool, to be accepted, to be in a firm position in the life raft pecking order, keeps me in an odd state of dissatisfaction with who I am, where I am, and what I am doing with my life. It feels like every day I look around me and see people who are so creative and talented and brilliant and I think, “What am I doing here?! I am not even in the same stratosphere as these people. How long before they figure that out?” And then I talk to friends about all the amazing places God is taking them and experiences he is putting them through and I long for those to be my experiences. I think to myself, “What am I doing wrong that all of these things are someone else’s life, not mine.” In it all I feel myself being pulled toward the edge of the life raft because I don’t think I am a dynamic and exciting personality, and I am not on the front lines of global justice issues, and a hundred other reasons why I don’t measure up to the people I know and the other people they know. My move to the edge of the life raft sets off this dialogue in my head that takes me places like…if you could just learn to interject more esoteric wit into your conversations, or find the right counter culture authors (or song lyrics) to quote, or learn to play the accordion, then you would be who you want to be.

Here’s the thing, I know God wants me to be changing. And I think that some of my dissatisfaction with who and where I am is because I am not all of who God created me to be. How could I be if I am looking around the life raft for my identity? I am a flower that wants to be a tree, not knowing that there is a fish somewhere that wants to be a flower. So instead of letting God reform me into who he wants me to be, I put all of my effort into trying to become who he wants someone else to be. All that effort to be someone else seems ridiculous to me. I just wish that it didn’t feel like anything else would send me swimming.

2008-The Year of New Beginnings?

What does that mean, actually: "the year of new beginnings"?
My charismatic friend tells me that the number 8 symbolizes renewal, but my channels must be tuned all wrong--I still don't get it. I check my Bible and I see references to days to circumcision, and numbers of sons born, how many oxen needed for 4 carts... what am I missing? Is there some gnostic pill I should take at communion that will give me this 'Epiginosko'? Sometimes I feel like such a clod!
Or like when the Prayer of Jabez thing came out, and book stores and trinket sellers made a small fortune, and everybody was looking to enlarge their boundaries, and I'm trying to figure out why I was never taught about Jabez in seminary, or why I can't really remember reading about him each year in my OYB. I find this very confusing, and disheartening, like being assigned to the "slow readers" circle in primary school, except now it's spiritual.
Perhaps I am so jaded that I am blinded by my cynicism; perhaps my shortcomings have caught up to me and locked me into the honorable mention section of the balcony, you know, that little ribbon you get at the end of the competition, because "nobody's a loser", but you know for fact that you didn't get first, second or third most favored?
What makes it even worse is when I read the gospels, and Jesus is saying things like, "Don't be impressed with buildings--those stones are gonna topple," or things like, "I don't own squat on this planet-- come follow me," what do you do with THAT? Sheessh-- talk about confusing.
Maybe the best I can do is get up again tomorrow, bake my little roll of biscuits, sip my coffee and read another day of the OYB as the sun rises... hey, I'm three for three this year as of this morning! I've even had time to pray for friends before riding to work.
Not bad; it's no Prayer-of-Jabez, but maybe it's my 2008.

*OYB--One Year Bible