Living Faithfully in an Ambiguous World

Our hearts and minds desire clarity. We like to have a clear picture of a situation, a clear view of how things fit together, and clear insight into our own and the world's problems. But just as in nature colors and shapes mingle without clear-cut distinctions, human life doesn't offer the clarity we are looking for. The borders between love and hate, evil and good, beauty and ugliness, heroism and cowardice, care and neglect, guilt and blamelessness are mostly vague, ambiguous, and hard to discern.

It is not easy to live faithfully in a world full of ambiguities. We have to learn to make wise choices without needing to be entirely sure.


These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

A Still Place in the Market

"Be still and acknowledge that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). These are words to take with us in our busy lives. We may think about stillness in contrast to our noisy world. But perhaps we can go further and keep an inner stillness even while we carry on business, teach, work in construction, make music, or organise meetings.

It is important to keep a still place in the "marketplace." This still place is where God can dwell and speak to us. It also is the place from where we can speak in a healing way to all the people we meet in our busy days. Without that still space we start spinning. We become driven people, running all over the place without much direction. But with that stillness God can be our gentle guide in everything we think, say, or do.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Blog Response: Thoughts on Job

In response to a recent blog about struggling through Job, I wanted to share my thoughts on the story of Job. After seeking some guidance, I was given this input on a theological perspective of Job:

Most people think Job is the oldest book in the Bible. The literary style reads less like history and more like a parable. Be careful in a parable of making it an allegory. It generally has one teaching point. Don't draw conclusions about God's character based on the set-up to the narrative. Think of it like the parable of the prodigal son... the description of the scenario and character of the father shouldn't be picked apart like allegory.

I personally find this believable and a way to read Job and let it speak into my life. My personal belief is that outside of divine revelations and the unknowable, the author of the story of Job has no real way of knowing how the conversation between God and the Devil occurred. 

But let me also offer an additional perspective. What if the author did? What if God did have that exact conversation with the Devil? We tend to look at the story of Job and as usually in life focus on the superficial, the tangible happenings in the story. We see the story and we jump to the "Why does God allow bad things to happen" questions, and this is quite tragic. 

What happens to Job is tragic. The interactions of Job and his friends offer insight on practical relationships. 

But many times what we miss is the raw emotional fury of two beings that love one another.

Job is hurt. God broke his heart. The one he loves the one who he has not blasphemed has allowed these things to happen to him. 

Job hangs his relationship to God on the tangible things of his life. 

God in return gets upset with Job. God is hurt. Job broke his heart. 

God hangs his relationship to Job on a deep unfathomable eternal love. A love that transcends all circumstance, situations, status, and existence. 

Job cries out to God in confusion and anger. God answers. 

Job covers his mouth and listens.

As I have read the story of Job, I've wondered, has God broken my heart? Has he mattered that much to me that I am torn by his absence?

I'd like to end with a quote from CS Lewis on love, think on this in the context of Job and God. In the context of you and God.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Coming Together in Poverty

There are many forms of poverty: economic poverty, physical poverty, emotional poverty, mental poverty, and spiritual poverty. As long as we relate primarily to each other's wealth, health, stability, intelligence, and soul strength, we cannot develop true community. Community is not a talent show in which we dazzle the world with our combined gifts. Community is the place where our poverty is acknowledged and accepted, not as something we have to learn to cope with as best as we can but as a true source of new life.

Living community in whatever form - family, parish, twelve-step program, or intentional community - challenges us to come together at the place of our poverty, believing that there we can reveal our richness.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

I really wrestle with this. 

I wrestle with this because the idea of poverty is lost in the wealth and strength of our country. 

I wrestle with this because I am taught to cope with my poverty as best as I can. 

I wrestle with this because the idea that poverty can be a true source of new life is a foreign concept to my understanding. Is this source of new life born from vulnerable personal authentic relationships? 

Has my lack of tangible wealth and power created a wealth of ego, pride, and emotions that I greedily hoard from those around me? My spiritual life impoverished, the expense of massing wealth of time? 

I look to the man with much and I say, "thank God that I do not have this estate to uphold and protect." Then I look to the beggar, and I say, "Thank God I do not have to beg others for help, and I can sustain myself."

Then I look at my life, and I say, "I have protected my life, not losing it to save it."

I have so much to lose.

Not Breaking the Bruised Reeds

Some of us tend to do away with things that are slightly damaged. Instead of repairing them we say: "Well, I don't have time to fix it, I might as well throw it in the garbage can and buy a new one." Often we also treat people this way. We say: "Well, he has a problem with drinking; well, she is quite depressed; well, they have mismanaged their business...we'd better not take the risk of working with them." When we dismiss people out of hand because of their apparent woundedness, we stunt their lives by ignoring their gifts, which are often buried in their wounds.

We all are bruised reeds, whether our bruises are visible or not. The compassionate life is the life in which we believe that strength is hidden in weakness and that true community is a fellowship of the weak


These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Can you pull in the laviathan with a fishhook?

I have to admit, that for just the sheer poetic value, Job 38-41 is just awesome. There are certain passages in the Bible that get my blood flowing and this is one of them. Day 71 in Solo starts with 38:4, but the first three verses to me are mind blowing:

"Then God answered Job out of the storm. He said:
'Who is this that darkens my counsel
with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man,
I will question you,
and you shall answer me."

Are you kidding me! I think this may be one of the scariest moments in human history. I can't even fathom the sheer terror of the creator of the universe telling me out of a storm to "brace myself like a man." I imagine Job just slowly shriveling away to nothing over the next four chapters as God put him in his place.

Still, past the power of the passage, I wonder why God has to be so harsh. I mean after all, Job has already gone through a lot. Shouldn't God be more uplifting? Shouldn't God be piecing back together Job's fractured life? Shouldn't God care about all the pain and anguish he has brought on Job?

In Solo day 69 we get a taste of Job's frustration, and I can relate to it, to the feeling that God is not there and not listening. "I shout for help, God, and get nothing, no answer!" I hate that God can feel so distant some times. That nothing I do seems to illicit a response, or the emotional euphoria that I associate with closeness to God. But here is the power of chapter 38-41, God is clearly angry, but at what? At the insinuation that he is responding to Job with "a blank stare". God is not calling Job out because he is arrogant, or prideful, or consumed by some crazy power lust. God is righteously furious because Job is doubting that God cares for him, that God is present with him, and that God is concerned about his pain. And next comes the crazy part, despite the verbal beat down that Job gets, God actually respects that he expressed his frustration. He wants that. As we see on Day 72, God tells the men that have been berating Job that he is tired of them. Why? Because they haven't been honest with or about God the way Job has.

I am not sure how to sum all of this up, but there is something frightening and comforting about a God that wants to hear my frustration, and that will set me strait in it. About a God who becomes indignant at the insinuation that he doesn't care, even when that is my perception. About a God who has no qualms about reminding me how limited my perception is. About a God that values the honesty of my perception, even when it is warped, over a dishonest piety that paints our relationship in a sanctimonious box. That is a God I want to wrestle with and a God I am afraid to wrestle with at the same time.

[Lent=Me+Religion]

Lent to me means Religion: an attempt of humans to get closer to God. Throughout history, humanity has tried to create devices that would get people closer to God. The tower of Babel is an example. Lent is another one. Maybe it is the fact that I was raised in a country of ultra Catholicism, but to me it is a little scary that as a church we want to engage so willingly in religion. I want to be counter-religious (since religion is another domain of culture).

There is nothing that I can do to make God love me more. It is only by His grace that I can even breathe. I tend to be so self-obsessed. Lent is an opportunity for me to display my own self-obsession. Lord, I so would rather be God-obsessed. So this year, for lent, I am giving up religion.
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Posted by David Bueno Martin

Solo with Job

Right now in Solo I'm in the middle of the story of Job. Last year when I was reading the One Year Bible I had a real problem with this story. In order to prove a point to Satan, God decides to take away everything from Job. It's interesting that this story comes during Lent. Isn't that the time when Jesus went into the desert and was tempted by Satan? Jesus doesn't fall for it and stands firm against evil, refusing to be tempted. Why then, was God so easily taken in when he agreed to Satan's suggestion that Job was only loyal to God because he was so well taken care of by God? This has been such an uneasy point for me. Obviously I'm missing something. Asher, help me out.

LENT: Prayer, Penitence, and Almsgiving.

Prayer, penitence, and almsgiving, in addition to self-denial or our fast, these are traditions during the Lenten season as preparation for the Easter celebration, reflecting on these I find the role each plays in my life in living as God's beloved. I feel some of these things have been neglected, some overdone in my life.


Prayer during this season has been very interesting, very flexible, very reflective. It is the moments where I can converse with God to release the things I hold onto, whether out of greed or distrust in Him. Many times I have found my self sitting in silence, trying to push the noise out of my head.

Straining to hear Him whisper, "You are my beloved."

I think this is difficult. Lent is a season of freedom. It's a season of being free from our selves. I've found freedom in sharing the prayer of an old blind man on a road.
Jesus Son of David, have mercy on me.
I've let this prayer repeat itself, in as constant of a manner as possible. A cadence of repetition, hoping for it to seep into my thoughts, and into my heart. A prayer with out ceasing. Free from having to say the right thing. Freedom from having to pray properly. Freedom for Him to say, "Beloved." and me to say, "Yes."

His kindness leads to penitence, or repentance. Many times I let my false self lead me into repentance, a self absorbed superficial self-deprecation that is void of true ownership of my actions.

And quite frankly that's a problem.

The problem is when my false self leads me into repentance, I do not accept myself as I am, as who I am, and that I am His Beloved.

To be honest, I have no problems being critical of myself. Judging myself. Admitting I am a failure. I can easily throw heaps of guilt and rejection on my self at ease. But to accept it? To accept that I am a sinner and His Beloved?

How can He? How can he call me beloved with what I have done?

Freedom.

Freedom cries out. It cries out to repent

To accept myself as I am to be His beloved as I am. To allow his love to heal. To allow his love to transform.

Freedom to repent. Freedom to pray.

Freedom to Give.

To be honest, giving is probably not an issue with this community, or many people in this country, to a degree. With the rise of social justice programs and causes, how is almsgiving even something that is a part of a journey of self-denial, prayer, and repentance.

I think in this season, we can find freedom to give, and to give well. We can find freedom to give to our uniqueness.

I think in our culture, awareness and causes is on a continual growth, leaving us burdened by obligations and guilt.

As we pray, and as we grow closer to Jesus and listen more for His voice whispering his love to us, I think we must take time reflect on our giving, and the freedom to be who He made us to be in our giving.

Remember you are His beloved. In this find freedom. In this find peace. In this find wholeness.

Our Unique Call

So many terrible things happen every day that we start wondering whether the few things we do ourselves make any sense. When people are starving only a few thousand miles away, when wars are raging close to our borders, when countless people in our own cities have no homes to live in, our own activities look futile. Such considerations, however, can paralyse us and depress us.

Here the word call becomes important. We are not called to save the world, solve all problems, and help all people. But we each have our own unique call, in our families, in our work, in our world. We have to keep asking God to help us see clearly what our call is and to give us the strength to live out that call with trust. Then we will discover that our faithfulness to a small task is the most healing response to the illnesses of our time.


These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Season of Lent | Self Denial

Begining last wednesday, we started the season of lent. Lent is traditionally the forty-day-long liturgical season of fasting and prayer leading up to Easter, representing the time Jesus fasted in the desert. According to wikipedia:

The purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer—through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial—for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Many people Celebrate differently, some denominations include a break from fasting on Sundays to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus the Liberating King. Currently some are participating in Lent through the H2O water project by fasting any beverages other than water, some are fasting "vice" foods usually a source of comfort, some are limiting their diets to match those in impoverished countries. 

This Lenten season, I am joining some in a restricted diet similar to those in impoverished countries, only breaking for specific occasions. This is not meant to be a burden on anyone, but a focusing on what Christ has done for us, and I would encourage us to ask Jesus to show us during this season, if there is a way that we can focus more on what He has done for us, to focus more on what His liberation has provided us. 

Over the next few weeks, I want to unpack a few specific things on the FoM Blogosphere about the three temptations Christ faced in the desert,what that means for us, and the purposes of the Lenten season, starting with Self Denial, and why I chose to fast how I did. 

A few disclaimers, first. This season is not about the fast, its about the saviour. It's not about tradition, but transformation. 

It's about walking into the desert and facing our most intimate struggles, and the liberation Christ brings us. 

This lenten season,  I am joining other believers in a fast restricting my diet. The diet is the same diet of children with Compassion International, who are sponsored by a local church here in Houston. The diet is rice, beans, chicken, a simple salad, and tortillas. Basically 40 days of tacos.

More importantly I want to share the reason why, that lead me to this decision. 

Food has equated to security and status.

When I get stressed, and I am worried about job security, provision, etc. I stock the pantry.

The first thing I'll do is make sure I have enough to eat, to last a while, frozen foods, and canned goods to make sure they'll last a long time. I take Gods daily provision into my own hands. Food is security. And I think what this has done in my life, has made me worry about what I am to eat, how I am to survive. It also is some form of status symbol, the better I eat the "wealthier I am" , and thus I have lost gratitude for the food God has provided, and I even feel as if I am some how entitled to eating a nice huge, hot meal.

And the truth is, most of the world survives off of rice and beans, and some how, stocking the pantry for survival equates to steak, or hamburgers, pizza, or treats. I feel as if my survival is dependent on satisfying my cravings. Since I've started the fast, I am finding liberation in God being my provider. I am holding things more loosely, trusting and surrendering to His control. Not just with food but in other areas. Food no longer provides the security or the status. It is simply a necessity to live. A physical fuel for His work.

It's been humbling, and it's liberating. Surrendering to Jesus an area where I try to control.

Should everyone fast this way? No.

Do I believe everyone must fast during Lent? I don't know. 

I do believe that during this season, we spend sometime with Jesus. Maybe there is something that if we would only surrender it to Him, we will find freedom. He will liberate our hearts.

Henri and Me

Last night I was laying in bed, thinking about spiritual emptiness, and seasons of Dark Nights of The Soul, when it struck me, that I had felt in a dark place for maybe 2 years. a long time, no doubt. My connection to Return of the Prodigal Son and reconnection has lately brought me to a place of understanding that just loving Jesus, is enough. Its enough when the whole world demands everything of you, its enough when it seems like no one emails or calls, its enough when i get laid off, or get a speeding ticket. Things come and go, bad and good, but loving Jesus is my only response to it all. My life is changed because Nouwen whispered a truth that Jesus whispers universally, "You are my beloved, and on you my favor rests."