So I think I'm Jesus. What could possibly go wrong.

A Messiah complex is a state in which the individual believes themselves to be, or destined to become, the savior of the particular field, a group, an event, a time period, or in an extreme scenario, the world. In an extreme case these people are usually wacko (i.e. Adolf Hitler) or in a mild case, someone like myself who gets this preconceived self-righteous moment where I think I should try to fix someone, something or the current injustices of the world. When this happens I'm confused, I think I am called to be Jesus instead of following Jesus.

Rich Mullins once wrote:

God has called us to be lovers and we frequently think that He meant us to be saviors. So we "love" as long as we see "results." We give ourselves as long as our investments pay off, but if the ones we love do not respond, we tend to despair and blame ourselves and even resent those we pretend to love. Because we love someone, we want them to be free of addictions, of sin, of self--and that is as it should be. But it might be that our love for them and our desire for their well-being will not make them well. And, if that is the case, their lack of response no more negates the reality of love than their quickness to respond would confirm it.


To be honest, I've been wrestling with this lately. You know its easy to love someone when it's confirmed. Its easy to love like in the movies. Sure the coach can give up his life, go the extra mile, stand against adversity, neglect his family and strain his marriage.The team wins in the third act. Results like that make the first two acts seem easy.

So what if that's not the case? What if you love the loser. Is it bring a good steward loving a lost cause? I'm struggling with this because it hard to love this way. It's hard to spend time for things that may not have an end result. Unfortunately for the result oriented this a love that requires no more than to love and that is all. It is less of an obligation and more a result of a broken life that can not hold in its contents.

The Bible mentions we have all sinned and fallen short of Gods standards (Rom 3.23. paraphrased). When we are mindful of our flaws and failures and those things that are forgiven we can be broken and let whatever amount of His love pour into our lives and the lives of others.

So am I a messiah here to fix the worlds injustices, be angry at the greedy rich and bitter at the bureaucracies? I think not. I hope not. I am a sinner who is forgiven and who is just trying to let love live a little more in my life.

Cry Freedom Cry

The future is no place to place your better days

- DMB

I really struggle with the whole growth, process journey idea thing. I love the idea of a preferred future, except for well, the future part. Simply put, I want it now. It's not that I am against transformation, I'm all for it. I love the idea of God becoming this intricate part of our lives, shaping us into people who can have capacity for good, and be a vessel for change. Having an idea of what that preferred future may hold, I get frustrated because I want to be in it right now.

I know God prepares us for tomorrow, He patiently leads us to that future, my problem is, that future, that end goal, that chapel, that mission, is where I put everything. Somehow in my mind, I think, Ok when I'm there, when I'm working in that calling, in that mission, that's when I will be the most connected to God and His love can flow through me, and I'll be a better person, and everything will be great. Those will be my better days.

Wrestling through these frustrations I have come to this place, where that preferred future, that mission will not be where I put my better days. I don't want to wait until the wall is finished to worship God. I don't want to wait until the last steeple is in place to give my all to Him and to others.

My prayer is that now, in these days, in these everyday moments I would worship Him and that in some awesome way I can love and serve those around me on this journey.

My Small God in a Box

I'm realizing that my tendency is to make God manageable; to give him boundaries that I can fully understand and embrace. I want to put God in a box. This way I can own him, rather than him owning me. This has become apparent lately as I've been reading through Joshua and wrestling again with my inclination against God's justice. How does his love and justice correspond? Psalm 101 says "I will sing of your love and justice." I just want to sing about his love and disregard his justice. I'm not sure I fully understand his justice and sometimes the scriptures don't attempt to explain it. This is especially apparent in the Old Testament. Often they just tell the stories and leave us to wonder "why?"

There is an obscure narrative in Judges 13 where the parents Sampson, the future Judge of Israel, are visited by an angel. First, they describe him like this ..."He looked like an angel of God, very awesome." Somehow I think we have diluted the term "awesome" to describe a good hamburger or a new song that we like. These folks described a visit from an angel of God as "awesome" and they probably used that term accurately because it caused them to fall on their faces in worship. Moreover, they asked the angel his name, and he replied "Why do you ask my name? It is beyond understanding." Can you imagine? The angel refused to even give them his name because they were too obtuse to understand it. Is it possible that if I'm too dense to understand the name of an angel of God, maybe I'm too finite to understand the eternal purpose behind each of God's actions?

There is a book by J.B. Phillips written in 1960's called "Your God is Too Small." It's a good word for me right now. Here's a quote from his summary: "We can never have too big a conception of God, and the more scientific knowledge advances, the greater becomes our idea of his vast and complicated wisdom. Yet, unless we are to remain befogged and bewildered and give up all hope of ever knowing God as a person, we have to accept his own planned focusing of himself in a human being, Jesus Christ. If we accept this as a fact, as the Fact of history, it becomes possible to find a satisfactory and comprehensive answer to a great many problems, and, what is equally important, a reasonable "shelf" on which the unsolved perplexities may be left with every confidence."

So I'm leaving God's infinite purpose in his justice through history on that "reasonable shelf" today and determining that I'll not be so presumptuous to conclude that he can be managed. Thanks God for not being limited to my box.