FOM Solo: Reflecting & Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday, a day traditionally a day marked for repentance and acknowledgment of our human condition, we sinners saved only by grace. It begins the season of Lent, a 40 day fast leading up to the celebration of Easter, the day of resurrection of the Liberating King. Today is also, for me in my SOLO readings to reflect on what we have been reading. I've been reflecting on the prayers of Ezra, open repentance towards God, and importantly my openness to repentance.

As I have been reflecting on what we have been reading in the devotional and God's leading in these times, I have been questioning my openness to repentance, specifically, how open am I to repenting. Many times as I reflect, meditate and pray, I find that I am very open to encouragement, and very open to love, and very open to acceptance, but I seem to be dismissive of repentance. 

Not so much as, I dismiss the importance of repentance, but more dismissing that I actually have things worthy of repenting. Maybe it's not that serious of an issue, I mean really, everybody complains from time to time right? Overindulging, i.e. gluttony, it's not I'm robbing a bank. 

It's numbing. 

It's reasoned away. 

It's abusing the grace that I have been so generously given. 

I have not lived with the tension of freedom in grace and devout living to my King. 

Tension. 

Someone recently commented, "Christianity is not about balance as much as it is about tension."

I have to confess, I haven't been living with tension lately. I've let freedom in grace slip into the  indulging of pleasures. Stewardship slipping into greed. Honesty and authenticity slipping into using words that do not encourage or edify others.

In amidst of our hectic schedules, economic concerns, sports, entertainment, community, work, play, and fellowship, take a moment to reflect on repentance this Ash Wednesday.

Reflections on the last few days and Lent

Hidden Greatness

There is much emphasis on notoriety and fame in our society. Our newspapers and television keep giving us the message: What counts is to be known, praised, and admired, whether you are a writer, an actor, a musician, or a politician.

Still, real greatness is often hidden, humble, simple, and unobtrusive. It is not easy to trust ourselves and our actions without public affirmation. We must have strong self-confidence combined with deep humility. Some of the greatest works of art and the most important works of peace were created by people who had no need for the limelight. They knew that what they were doing was their call, and they did it with great patience, perseverance, and love.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

I've been reflecting on what we have been reading in the SOLO devotional over the last few months, and I have felt that very subtle shifts have been happening in my life, to be honest, I haven't been able to really articulate this experience until I read the above Nouwen excerpt. 

Daily I'm reading the readings in Solo, and I feel as if inch by inch, millimeter by millimeter, I am growing in a relationship with the Father, and in this my attitudes and perspectives seem to be shifting, and changing, one of which centers around what Nouwen's passage writes as greatness and what Santry talked about in his 6 minute blog. 

Anxiety, pressures, frustrations, and jealousy associated with areas that I try get validation from seem to be slipping away. It's not that the tension is not there, and I still struggle with finding affirmation and confirmation of Gods love through things, people, and relationships that will never provide said affirmation or confirmation of that love. 

I've started to notice this clearer in creating videos and graphics. When I work on a project I am finding freedom to just create and do what I do, and enjoy what I am doing. Freedom knowing that no matter how the project turns out, I am still loved. 

It's amazing that the more I seem to surrender to Him, the greater satisfaction I find in my life. 

I know several of us a participating Lent this year, I know some is specific to the H20 Project, others something different. 

I want to encourage everyone to pray about this season of intentional living in preparation of Easter. Lent is not a season of oppressive obligation, but a season of intentionally giving up something in our lives to focus on the sacrifice of Jesus our Liberating King and the beauty of his sacrifice. In turn traditionally the lent fast is 40 days of fasting that exclude Sundays, which are used as days of feasting and celebration, so as each of us journey through lent, be sure to make time to gather together, and celebrate the gifts Christ has provided for us. Be intentional, but be specific in your feasting and sharing. I pray that as we sacrifice during this season, we can rediscover things that may be missing or forgotten in our lives. Let's also continue to pray for one another that we will be sustained in our relationships with Christ. 

Peace to all you friends on this journey.

6 minute blog

Jough is coming over in 6 minutes so quickly....

This weekend I had the pleasure of making a short film with three other wonderful people. Working hard. Laughing hard. Creating. Making Art. And all the while spiritual conversation.

This is what I live for. Blatant transparency in the midst of creation.

That's what God did in Genesis.

That's what Jesus did in the gospels.

Revealing the unseen Kingdom with art. That's what I want to do.

Linking Arms - Solo Day 48

I've been overwhelmed, watching what happens when we link arms. A couple of weeks ago I sat in a meeting with some of Houston's most talented architects, theatre consultants, engineers, project managers, video and sound designers - twelve people, all working toward the goal of constructing a theatre space for west Houston that would fulfill the "art of theatre for the common good" vision. Many donating their time to the cause. One week later, I sat with gifted real estate experts and attorneys as they skillfully negotiated lease and purchase terms on the property for the same goal...also donating their time. Yesterday I watched some of Houston's most talented actors and theatre educators as they worked with more then 50 students at Frostwood Elementary to draw out their personality, give them a sense of self-worth and help them explore their God-given creative gifts. Today I met with a group of gifted business people and a professional fund-raiser, all donating their time to help see the financial resources come together for the same cause. Tomorrow we'll host a basketball party for 5 basketball teams and families - maybe 70-100 people - most whom were not involved in organized sports a few years ago. Now the kids have relationships with adult role models who can help them break cycles of poverty and fatherlessness in their community.

I was thinking that three years ago, most of the people involved in these activities didn't even know each other. Even if they did know each other, they were not bound by a common mission. They don't all go to the FoM. In fact, most don't go to the FoM. Yet, all of them are pursuing a big, audacious and worthy goal...some out of social beneficence, some out of a heart for God's kingdom. Thanks to God, all are linking arms. None of them could have accomplished this alone. When we link arms in community with a common mission, we become more like God every day and share the privilege of watching him fulfill great things that will make him look as great as He is.

Investing in People, building community.

The Meal That Makes Us Family and Friends

We all need to eat and drink to stay alive. But having a meal is more than eating and drinking. It is celebrating the gifts of life we share. A meal together is one of the most intimate and sacred human events. Around the table we become vulnerable, filling one another's plates and cups and encouraging one another to eat and drink. Much more happens at a meal than satisfying hunger and quenching thirst. Around the table we become family, friends, community, yes, a body.

That is why it is so important to "set" the table. Flowers, candles, colorful napkins all help us to say to one another, "This is a very special time for us, let's enjoy it!"

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

People and relationships have been a large core of Christianity. It's not a post-modern thing, it's not a generational thing, it's not a life-cycle thing.

It's what seems to be a God thing. 

When read the scriptures we can find passages where Christ ranks the love of God and the love of others in a top priorities, even as far as to say that we love others as much as we love our selves. If we read through the Old Testament where several of the Jewish feasts and times of worship where set around a meal with their families and community. There has always been this most interesting dynamic between sharing our lives with each other and meals. Meals happen at weddings. They happen at funerals. They happen when we celebrate another year of living or marriage. 

Moments of joy, pain, somberness, romance, love and peace, are many times shared around gathering together sharing our selves and food. 

Community is important. 

Relationships are important. 

Gathering in each others homes is more than just a program, or a social function, it is a place of sharing with one another our lives, it is close to the heart of God. 

It's worthy of preparation.  

More than setting the table. 

Preparation of heart. 

When an invitation is extended. When we say, "Come. Sit with me. Let me share my life with you." Allow your mind to settle and not focus on the busyness of life's moments, but allow our hearts and mind to seek how when we meet, when we gather around the table what we can bring to share. 

A listening ear. A thoughtful remark. Encouragement. Good news. Compassion. 

 

The Trusting Process

I look at my progress in my relationship with God in two categories:

1. Trusting Him
2. Doing what he says.

I give myself Fs in both categories. I hope he is grading on a learning curve.

In trusting him, I am so guilty of moving before he makes his move. Then once I do, and see what kind of a pickle Ive gotten myself into, I tend to be quite embarrassed. I always say I will wait on him next time, but seldom do.

To trust the unseen is to believe like you have nothing to lose. In my ideal world that I have here, I have so much to lose, risking it on God, seems impossible. Trusting God really seems like an option. In places like third world nation, I don't believe its the case at all.

I know people who've been to poverty stricken nations, who really have seen cripples walk, and the blind see, primary because, they only have Jesus to help them. Here in the states, we are a nation surrounded be so much of our own creation that trusting God seems like something archaic.

I pray I never get rich in the American sense, and I pray I never have to live in poverty in a global sense. I pray I don't live like I've got nothing to lose, but to trust Jesus like I do.

Reflecting after 6 days

So beyond the devotional, I listen to lots of music. I went through a period in my life when I focused on listening to God through secular mediums. I believe that he is speaking through everything that we pay attention to. I always tend to find him in song lyrics by secular artists. From Eminem, to Ani Difranco, to The Weepies. I am trying to find God wherever he might seem to be hiding.

This week, I give you The Weepies and their wonderful song. "Take it from me."

What can I compare you to, a favorite pair of shoes?
Maybe my bright red boots if they had wings
Funny how we animate colorful objects saved
Funny how it's hard to take a love with no strings.

But come on take it, come on take it, take it from me
But come on take it, come on take it, take it from me (we`ve got a good life).

What can I compare you to, a window the sun shines through?
Maybe the silver moon, a smile rising
The magic of the fading day, satellites on parade
A toast to the plans we've made to live like kings.

I lose my breath despite the air
When the rain falls down I give in to despair
Pink magnolia in winter she doesn't care
if you don't show up to have another cup.

What can I compare you to, when everything looks like you?
I get a bit confused with every Spring
Flowers that bloom your eyes, hummingbirds side by side
My heart won't stay entirely in this rib caging

This song is a love ballad between father and child. My life sings with lyrics like--
"What can I compare you to, when everything looks like you?
I get a bit confused with every Spring
Flowers that bloom your eyes, hummingbirds side by side
My heart won't stay entirely in this rib caging"

And all in the same noise I can hear Jesus asking me to take his love from him in the chorus.

Jesus--Please be the chorus of my life. The savior of my verses, the great lines and the not so great. Perhaps one day, I will be able to understand how "to take a love with no strings."

Idol Factories

Day 41

"The heart is an idol factory"--John Calvin

In a deep exploration of my own heart, there surfaces many idols. Jesus competes somewhere near the bottom, unfortunately. Jesus is competing with so many of my insecurities and fears that live in the chamber of my heart. My desire to be loved by all, to be thought influential and strong, the desire to be everyone's favorite, is rivaled by own cynicism, bitterness and self loathing. These are the idols that Jesus competes with inside of me. An ugly mask that I wear to keep from looking like the one who truly lives up to the term "Idol."

Jesus, I lose you amongst all the idols that I force you to stand behind. Please melt away the expectations and heard heart that are a result of my fallen nature. Please love me in spite of all these idols.

Dying well and what I have learned from my anger.

Dying Well

We will all die one day. That is one of the few things we can be sure of. But will we die well? That is less certain. Dying well means dying for others, making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind. The big question, therefore, is not "What can I still do in the years I have left to live?" but "How can I prepare myself for my death so that my life can continue to bear fruit in the generations that will follow me?"

Jesus died well because through dying he sent his Spirit of Love to his friends, who with that Holy Spirit could live better lives. Can we also send the Spirit of Love to our friends when we leave them? Or are we too worried about what we can still do? Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.

These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

I wanted to share this reading, because in a very peculiar way, it became very relevant in my life. I've been in a bit of a funk lately, well specifically agitated and angry, and I've welcomed this. I welcomed my anger so I could gain an understanding of why I've been a bit hacked.  Around 4:30 this morning after only about 2 hours of sleep, I received the email containing the above devotion by Henri Nouwen, found an answer to my questions. 

I've been angry because I've been living with the question, "What can I still do in the years I have left to live?", thus creating a frustration with how I spend my time and how I live my life and consequently the dissatisfaction there in. It's not about how I've spent my time loving and growing closer to others relationally, but how am I not wasting my time, or what I can accomplish, purpose driven, checking off the list, and all that. 

This helped me to see that, I can be free from worrying about what I am to do or accomplish. I am free to enjoy relationships. Freedom to know that the struggles I have that are not for friends, that are not a struggle to produce fruits of peace, love, joy, happiness, or contentment, that they are struggles in vain and will not last past my death. I am not sure the number of the rest of my days, longer then some I am sure, but I thank God for this second chance to find more fulfillment in life so that I can die well, having already died for others. 

Changing God's Mind

On day 38, David changes Gods mind, by praying that he be merciful on Jerusalem.  Moses and Abraham also prayed and God changed his mind.  So we must all be able to, through prayer,  change God's mind.  Perhaps, this is a call for me to engage him in relationship more deeply.  Perhaps he is asking me to come to a place in our relationship where we can communicate enough that I can in fact, change his mind.  Maybe in turn, I will change my own mind about my misconceptions of him.

Breaking Solo

I am breaking ranks a little bit and not going to actually write about anything out of the past week in Solo. Instead I figured I'd talk more about what God is doing in me. Because the truth is, what God is doing in me has a lot to do with this week in Solo, and every week for that matter. Because it has to do with me consciously setting aside time to be with God, to listen, to read, to engage. That is what this week and every week in Solo are about to me. Engaging a God that wants to be engaged.

A couple of weeks ago I was struck by the reality that most of what I do, I try to do by myself. And by struck I don't mean lightly reminded, I'm talking about being smacked up the side of the face with a three day old fish kind of struck. Somewhere in the core of who I am there is a constant struggle for relevancy, for power, and for significance. Rather than explain what I mean, I am just going to tell you what I see it doing. This struggle bleeds itself into all I do and all I know of myself. No matter what I am involved in, the struggle is present, haunting me with echos of inadequacy and inferiority. So I am always looking for security, in everything. Why is it that we feel like we have to be in a position of security before we act on or do anything (thank you day 23)? The more I look at my life the more I see me trying to create my own security. All over my life I see the marks of me living and acting alone, even in the places where I claim to do it for God. Somewhere in my head and heart there is faulty wiring. I feel like I am amassing armies for my own security, when God is actually saying, "Send the army home, I want the credit for this one."

Don't get me wrong, I don't suppose that God is against careful planning and best utilization of resources. But how easy to fall in the trap of letting everything be about those resources, or the assembler of those resources (in the case of my life, me). Now, back to where I started. The Roberts Security and Resource Collection Plan seems to be most in effect when I am not engaging God. Because in a mysteriously beautiful way, engaging God leads me to being engaged by God, to learning to set aside my agenda, to finding new importance for resources I didn't value before, for seeing my relevance in relation to humble submition rather than personal accomplishment. It gets me away from me and lets me be led by God.